The End of the Beginning

Well, it's the end of 2008. What a year.

Here's some of the highlights around the world:

January: A boy scout thwarts an attempted assassination on the Maldivian president. Damn those boy scouts!

February: Kevin Rudd says Sorry... and now we start each and every school assembly with some endless dribble about thanking the natural custodians of the land. The Aboriginals stole it from the Dinosaurs! Everyone forgets the dinosaurs...

March: The first ever Mou Post is Posted.

April: India sets a world record by sending 10 satelites into orbit at the same time. Onya India!

May: It doesn't really matter about May, or the rest of the year... The thing you should all draw attention to is March. In preparation for today's post, I went over every post I've ever done and chose the best bits to put in this one. 62 posts. Lots of hard work. Like it. Or else.

Jenny: "Have you ever thought about finding a man named Harold and painting his toe nails blue? I know I have."

Mr. Patrick Look-Alike (From the same video as EDGAR!): "Cane toads...erm...give me lots of...ah...enjoyment."

Jenny...ranting on The Mou: "I DEMAND to see Trent's arms. We've been at this school for 2 and a bit years AND I HAVE NEVER SEEN HIS GODDAMN ARMS!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH THAT KID?!?! (Note. It has now been 3 years AND I STILL HAVEN'T SEEN HIS GODDAMN ARMS!!!!)

"She's cool if you're a comic book." - Year 12 Jenny on Year 10 Laura

Chris: "I just had an epiphany. Bananas are a great source of potassium."
*A little bit later...*
Chris: "I just had another epiphany. I'm incredibly good looking."
Jenny: "Stick to bananas Chrissie."

*Doing an activity in Geography*
"Ocean east of Sydney... there's nothing east of Sydney!!!" - Flick... you know, the blonde one.

"So to me you're you, but to you you're me? Haha you're a ewe. So you're a sheep eating a kiwifruit...ahahah kiwi sheep! ... You have very grim prospects..." - Nessquote.

*Amy tries to borrow Dwyer's white out, which is naked...for want of a better adjective*
Jenny: "Here, borrow mine. You don't want naked white-out."
Dwyer: "THEN WHY DO YOU KEEP BORROWING MINE?!"
He was a bit shocked to find out that I have my own white-out.

Mr Sajko: "Come on, I want to rub it."
*Class erupts into giggles*
Mr Sajko: "You are dirty minded people."

Jenny: "You're so negative."
Chris: "No I'm not."

Mr Farquharson: "Animal remains in the ocean sink to the bottom."
Jenny: "So why do my goldfish float?"
(You all remember my goldfish? The ones that floated even when they weren't dead... *eye twitches*)

How to tell if something's a chemical thingy, Chris-style:
Hush little baby, don't say a word
Mama's gunna buy you hydrogen
If that hydrogen don't pop
Mama's gunna buy you a glowing splint
If that glowing splint don't relight
Mama's gunna buy you some limewater
If that that limewater won't go white
Then it's not a chemical thingy
But then again when you think
You might just fail at science.

Jenny: "You look like a baby bird waiting for his mother to regurgitate in his mouth."
Mooey: "Will you be my mother?"

Jenny: "You wanna take this outside?!"
Whoever I was talking to: "We -are- outside."
Jenny: "Alright... let's take it INSIDE and discuss it maturely like adults."

"It was a great afternoon: stripping, wheelbarrows and worm touching" -Description of what happened at the bus stop that afternoon. I remember it well...

Shuttle bus. It rhymes with cuttle cuss.

"When I was younger I thought I was allergic to Turtles." - Nessquote.

"I thought it was Arnold Whatsanigger until you corrected me last year" - Extra Nessquote from the same post as the previous Nessquote.

*Chris sneezes*
Jenny: "Bless you."
Mr Patrick: "No talking in class!" *Writes Jenny's name on the board.*
Chris: "I hope you learnt your lesson Jenny. No common courtesy in Science Class."

Jenny: "Why are they walking around in their underwear?"
Emily: "Because they're sluts."
Jenny: "Why don't they go into a bathrom to put some clothes on?"
Emily: "Because they're sluts."
Jenny: "Why did that man just give them money?"
Emily: : "...do you REALLY need me to answer that one?"

What do you call a gay dinosaur? Mega-sore-ass.

My name is 'Elga, I am from Switzerland. I am a Swiss. I like chocolate, and doing the splits.

"Is your cervical feeling immunised?"

Amanda: "That's a great story Jenny. You're going to be a great novelist when you grow up."
Mr Grogan: "Don't encourage her!"

"Why are you so shiny, Jenny? I keep looking up and you dazzle me." - Mrs Raby, looking at me on the day of the first awesome Glitter Fight.

You learn a lot about people in German class, I mean who knew that Sam wanted to marry Max and have 21 children, that Keiran wanted to be a sheep, Saxon wanted to make arms or that Geordie wanted a sex change?
Of course we all knew that Trent wanted to become Chris.

"Have you ever looked between your legs and seen Jake's head floating there?"

Jenny...yelling very loudly: "OH MY GOD IT'S [Stalkie Von Stalkee]!!!!!!!"
*Everyone...EVERYONE in the area at the time turns and looks at Jenny"
Jenny: "Fuck... do you think he heard?"

Emily: "Jenny, why don't you like cake?"
Jenny: "It's a long story..."
Chris: "We've got time."
Jenny: "Ah. Well, I just don't like it."
Emily: "I'd love to hear her short stories!"

Chris: "For the ducks safety I'm going to count to 10 slowly."
Flick: "Why? Can't you count fast?"
Someone remind me to bring Derek to school again one day. He annoyed so many people...

Jenny: "That's why you love me...no, I say that too often. That's why you adore me...no...what's that other A word?"
Onlooker: "Ass"
Jenny: "I meant something that meant love...although 'I ass you' does have a nice ring to it."

Have you ever spent 10 minutes ringing the doorbell of a house at 8.00 in the morning before you realise you're at the wrong house? No? Just me then...

Millie: "When a dog gets neutered its whole personality changes."
Sophie: "Yeah, it becomes a cat."

"Did you know cocoa cola is made from cola nuts?" - Nessquote.

"I don't want a baby coming out of my fucking vaginas!" - Dean, refusing to be pregnant for our history thing.

There was a bird in my house this afternoon, only Mum, the cat and I were home. Guess who is the only one who's not afraid of birds? If you said the cat...you were wrong. (It was me).
Seriously, does anyone else know of any cats that are afraid of birds?

"Making someone waddle like a penguin is like having sex with them." - Max

Jenny: "It's not fair. Everyone wants to rape Chris. No one wants to rape me..."
MIKEY!!: "That's just because he has a face that's just screaming 'Please rape me'"

Jenny: "Stop looking at me!!"
Mrs Raby: "I'm not!"
Jenny: "YOU'RE DOING IT RIGHT NOW!!!"

Jenny: "You're so gay!! I LOVE YOU!!"
Chris: "...That's a sentence you don't hear everyday."
Jenny: "Really? I seem to say it a lot..."

I can make people want to kill me then themselves. Wanna see how?
What do you call a really sweet person from Cuba?
A SUGAR-CUBAN!!

What Jenny overheard in Circus skills...
"Your girlfriend is being a plank."
"Ha, ha...it rhymes with skank."

Jenny: "So...you're 21, and your children range from the ages 21-32..."
Mr Grogan: "That's right. I have grandchildren too. Do you want to know how old they are?"
Jenny: "Yeah?"
Mr Grogan: "The oldest one is 38."
*Chris' head explodes*

Mum: "I always get Dad's number mixed up with the Doctor's"
Dad: "Yeah, the doctor's really intruiged as to why she keeps giving him Father's Day presents."

Jenny: "As long as I know who's doing what... then by all means go ahead."
Chris: "Famous last words..."

Emily: "You've ruined it Jenny."
Jenny: "What?! Not our budding love..."
Emily: "Yes. You've ripped it into halves."
Jenny: "HALVES?! Ah, as long as it isn't quarters..."
Emily: "Yes. Quarters."
Jenny: "NOT THIRDS?! of quarters..."
Emily: "MANY!! YOU'VE TORN IT INTO MANY!!'
Jenny: "Woe! Our fractured fractioned love..."

Jenny: "I'd like to suck a mousse one day... THROUGH A STRAW!"
*Ness cracks up*
Jenny: "What?"
Ness: "I was thinking something else for mousse."
*Jenny starts banging her head against a wall*
Jenny: "Wait, what were you thinking? Hair mousse?"
Ness: "No, the animal moose."
*Everyone starts picturing meese being sucked up through a straw*
After a while, this conversation turned to beastiality. Enough said.

Jenny: "Yeah, yeah. I know my way home from Gateshead."
Emily: "We're in Dudley."
Jenny: "...fuck."

Jenny tried using Charades to tell them that You Shook Me All Night Long (by ACDC) was the top song on the KOFM Essential 2008 countdown. Unfortunately Emily was laughing too hard, Sophie didn't care and Millie couldn't see me.

Ness: "Woah! I just sneezed Apple out of my nose."
A little later...
Ness: "I just realised why my nose still feels funny. I STILL HAVE APPLE UP MY NOSE!!"

Emily/Millie: "Did we scare you?"
Jenny: "Yes. I was so afraid I couldn't breath through my mouth."
Sophie: "So...you breathed through your nose?"

"When you're with Jenny, you don't need a drug." - The wiseness of Amy.

"I'll teach you the basics of caring for a friend with alochol poisoning:
a) Find someone else to look after them.
b) If nobody can be found ...run." - Life lessons from Awesome Aunt Lucy.

Siobhan to me: "What are you doing in here? You're not in our class. Wait...yes you are."
Josie: "This is English. You're not in our class."

"He's so cute... I just want to kill him." - Jenny talking about a year 7 kid.

Chris: "Jenny, your phone's ringing."
Jenny: "Fucking hell. They've been fucking ringing me all day! I don't fucking know you. Leave me the fuck alone! Fuckity fuck fuck... Oh! It's Dad..."

*A Year 7 kid peeks into our classroom.*
Jenny *Creepily*: "Hello Child."
Emily: "Ignore her, she's emo."
Jenny: "No I'm not. I'm just very hungry."
*Jenny heads towards the door. The kid slams the door shut and locks it.*

My father and I were watching a duck swimming along. We called to the duck and it got out of the water and wagged its tail at us before it got back in the water and swam away. It headed towards a little bridge.
My father called out "Duck".
This gave way to a new phrase. When someone makes a really bad joke, they are said to have "said duck to a duck."
Example:
Jenny: "Are you going to have nightmares about triangles tonight?"
Mrs Raby: "I'll try not to."
Millie: "Ha, ha... Try, tri..."
Jenny: "Eurgh. Duck to a duck."

Mum: "Jennifer has a friend sleeping over tomorrow and they'll have to sleep in your room."
Dougy: "But... I need a bed."
Jenny: "You sleep on the floor!"
Dougy: "...I like the idea that I have a bed."

*On the subject of Penises*
Laura: "Ew, I dont' want something like that stuck up my vagina!"
Jenny: "Of all the things someone might not want up their vagina..."

Dean: "Can I go get my assignment?"
Mr Farquharson: "Can you do WHAT to your salmon?!"

Jenny: "I don't like bikinis."
Emily: "Yeah, they always fall off."
Jenny: "I'm more worried about things falling out..."

Dean: "I will pay you money to kiss Dwyer and let me see his reaction."
Trent: "No."
Dean: "You're gay."
Trent: "For NOT kissing a man?"
What really makes him gay is his inability to SHOW ME HIS ARMS!!!

Emily: "This wind is so gay!"
Jenny: "Yeah! It's really homosexual. I bet it's blowing in the other direction to have gay sex with the wind there."

And there it is folks. This is the most work I've ever put into a Mou Post. I hope you think it was worth it.

Thank you to all my dedicated readers, and even the people who only read it on the rare occasion.

Special thanks to Emily and Amanda for commenting on EVERY post they've ever read. I really appreciate it. I love you guys.

Here are some of the posts I had trouble deciding with:
http://themoudoesnotexist.blogspot.com/2008/03/butthe-pool-will-be-so-dirty.html

http://themoudoesnotexist.blogspot.com/2008/05/orange-moss-and-egg-cake_22.html

http://themoudoesnotexist.blogspot.com/2008/06/die-jungen-tragen-keinen-rocke.html

http://themoudoesnotexist.blogspot.com/2008/06/jxcel.html
http://themoudoesnotexist.blogspot.com/2008/07/vampire-cat.html
http://themoudoesnotexist.blogspot.com/2008/08/aids-was-freddies-kyptonite.html
http://themoudoesnotexist.blogspot.com/2008/08/loser-panda.html
http://themoudoesnotexist.blogspot.com/2008/08/train-stations-dont-have-doors.html
http://themoudoesnotexist.blogspot.com/2008/10/jennys-radio-adventures.html
http://themoudoesnotexist.blogspot.com/2008/10/oh-biscuit-we-barely-knew-thee.html
http://themoudoesnotexist.blogspot.com/2008/10/bankle.html
http://themoudoesnotexist.blogspot.com/2008/10/bad-trees.html

...You know, you might as well just read every single post.

I just ate a grape.

Remember the out of uniform day? I do...vaguely. One event stands out. I was standing with one foot on one bench, and my other foot on another one. Amanda had spent the day taking photos. She ran up to me in this position eagerly... saying "Ooh! I have to take a photo of this to show my American hosts what Christmas looks like!"

...

Me with my legs apart is what Christmas looks like...apparently.

Jenny: "Who's going into bat now? Clark(e) or Johnson?"
Mum: "Hussey."
Dad: "...Easy mistake to make."

Coupla weekends ago, I saw Twilight with Emily and Sophie. I would highly endorse this movie for anyone. Best Comedy of 2008. =)

Highlights of the movie: Jasper's Face. (Seriously, look it up on Google. It is H-I-L-A-R-I-O-U-S) Edward Cullen's walk, and in general, the way he speaks. "Hellooooo, I'm Edwaaard Culleeeen, you're Bellaaaa." Retard.

Of course, with all this I couldn't help laughing all the time and whispering to Emily. At one point the girls in front of us turned around and very politely said
"Will you please shut up?"
After 10 seconds or so I whispered to Emily "Oops..." and she cracked up.
We're not very good at the being quiet thing.

*Jenny bumps into a desk*
"Ow! ...I'm not clumsy at all."
Sophie: "I believe you."
*Jenny knocks a chair over*
Jenny: "...Well that's just funny."

Emily: "This wind is so gay!"
Jenny: "Yeah! It's really homosexual. I bet it's blowing in the other direction to have gay sex with the wind there."

Jenny: "This Acca Dacca?"
Emily: "No! It's AC/DC."

Jenny: "I'm really weird."
Dean: "No. Weird is wanting to have sex with corpses, weird is enjoying being vomitted on, weird is a sexual attraction to babies."
Jenny: "N'aww... thank you."
(Because that proves I'm not weird...see? Just thought you should all know.)

Don't Oppress My Lemons

Aaah Christmas. The time of year when you hear from the relatives and friends you don't usually speak to for various reasons. We got a Christmas Card and a letter from one of my Mum's old friends from school. She's a real, true witch. Who has a Circle and sisters and who celebrates Beltane and has a partner called Rat. HOW AWESOME IS THAT?! (Hehe, it rhymes).

I answered the phone to hear someone say:
"Hi yeah. Merry Christmas, Happy Birthday and all those holidays celebrated throughout the year."
"...Uncle Mick?"
Yes. It was my Uncle Mick. Heard the stories? Ask me some other time, I'm not publishing his exploits on the internet.

We even got a Christmas Card from Uncle Peter, my Grandmother's cousin or something.
"To All
Uncle Peter"
He added a word this year! Last year it was just Peter.

Mr Grogan: "Merry Christmas."
Jenny: "Happy New Year."
Amanda: "...Happy Valentine's Day!"
What about Australia Day Amanda? Hmm?

Emily: "My Mum's friends with the butcher."
Sophie: "So's my Dad! *pause* His name's Laurie."

Chris: "It's 12.43."
Jenny: "No it isn't. It's 12.43"
Chris: "...That's what I said."
Jenny: "Oooh... I thought you said 12.34. I'm not audially dyslexic."

PE the other week (One of the classic things I forgot to mention at some point.) Our teams chant was :
"Who's skillful? SOPHIE! AIM FOR THE HEADS!"
This is because Sophie kicked a ball, into her own head. At the time we were playing against people who we weren't all that fond of, so we gave up trying to get the ball into the goals, we began to AIM FOR THE HEADS! All in all a very enjoyably PE lesson.

Amanda: "I can smell through my mouth."
Jenny: "What happens when you get morning breath?"

Dean: "Can I go get my assignment?"
Mr Farquharson: "Can you do WHAT to your salmon?!"

Mr Donaldson at our year assembly: "And congratulations to ***** (I've forgotten whose name it was) who has received a Distinction in Visual Arts."
***** after she got off the stage: "I don't even do Visual Arts."

Jenny: "I'm really violent this morning, I headbutted a pole on the bus, I've tried to kill Amanda, I've tried to poke Georgia's spine out... and we're still only in Roll Call."

At Lunch yesterday, Emily said I would one day be a very good actress. At this I began accepting an Oscar in an American accent... for the rest of lunch I entertained Emily and Amanda with various accents.
Emily told me to mention this on The Mou (Which is what I'm doing now, WOAH!). I sat down on one of the seats and began pretending to type out an entry whilst dictacting outloud in some sort of accent.
Ness found fault with my typing.
Ness, dear Ness... I WAS NO WHERE NEAR A KEYBOARD!
Some people! I mean really...

I would now like to take this opportunity to wish everyone a very happy, and enjoyable Australia Day. (Christmas, Boxing Day, New Year, Teacher's Strikes, Valentine's Day, Birthday, Solstice, Easter, Newcastle Show, Labour Day, Banking Holiday, School Holidays, Anniversarys, Wedding, Engagement, First Born Child, Deepest Sympathies, Breakups, Recitals and Tennis Tournaments.)

Baubles

I'm really sorry this took so long. I wasn't writing things down as they happened so much classic material was lost...

Jenny: "I'm going to work on the roof."
Millie: "What?!"
Jenny: "I'm going to work on the roof..."
Millie: "Oooh! You mean your model..."

Jenny: "Now I know why Olympic Swimmers don't wear bikinis!"
Emily: "Why?"
Jenny: "...see if you can guess."

A dictionary option appears on the computer screen:
Sophie: "OH COOL!!"
Jenny: "Only Sophie would say that about seeing a dictionary..."

Mrs Scollay found Jo in the closet.
"I TOLD you someone was in there!! Stupid child..."

"Jenny, leave Flick's hair to jingle alone." - Amanda.

Jenny: "I would NEVER abandon my child. *Pause* I'd just kill it."
Flick: "What?!?! You horrible horrible person!!"
*Jenny still finds this really rather funny... hahaha...hahahahahaha...maternal instincts...hahaha*

Dean: "I will pay you money to kiss Dwyer and let me see his reaction."
Trent: "No."
Dean: "You're gay."
Trent: "For NOT kissing a man?"

Jenny: "I don't like bikinis."
Emily: "Yeah, they always fall off."
Jenny: "I'm more worried about things falling out..."

*Arguing about the colour of Mr Brady's eyes.*
Dad: "With that colour hair his eyes can't be that bright a blue."
Jenny: "They're as blue as yours!"
Dad: "...my eyes are brown."
Jenny: "...shhhhhhh."

Trent: "I'm going to make the best pun ever. Bell *points to Flick's hair tie with the bells* and Bell. *Points to Jenny.*"

I had a dream last night where my cat had wings and was flying. When I told her to come down in the name of St. Adelaide she saluted me and then dropped to the ground and ran into the garage to sleep.

When I told Mum about this, her way of interpreting the dream was that:
"You want to control a cat? Gah... you want world domination."

"Reading Jenny's blog makes me laugh." - Sophie's Nessquote.

Vampire Tigers

Jenny: "Hmph. Teacher's kids are worse than teacher's pets. Wait, wait a second... Raise your hand if you're a teachers kid."
*More than half the people there raise their hands...including Jenny*
Emily: "I'm not!"
Jenny: "You're a vet's kid! You look after the teachers pets."

Jenny: "Here Amy, have some of my drink."
Millie: "There are security guards around here."
Jenny: "You're just saying that because of the LSD..."
*Security guard walks right behind Jenny...*

*On the subject of Penises*
Laura: "Ew, I dont' want something like that stuck up my vagina!"
Jenny: "Of all the things someone might not want up their vagina..."

During PE the other day, they gave me a hockey stick. I whacked Amanda in the stomach, hit Brenno's fingers, killed Pat's legs and smashed Josh's shins. Caity tripped me over to stop my evil rampage. Altogether, my team broke at least 3 hockey sticks.

Mum: "Jennifer has a friend sleeping over tomorrow and they'll have to sleep in your room."
Dougy: "But... I need a bed."
Jenny: "You sleep on the floor!"
Dougy: "...I like the idea that I have a bed."

Why Nerds Are Better In Bed (From a movie that was on TV the other night):
"Jocks only think of sports. Nerds only think of sex."

Mr Farquharson: "You seriously need to get a new pencil. It seems you're very green but when a pencil gets that short..."
Jo: "Someone broke it! I think it was Jenny..."
Mr Farquharson: "Ah yes. She gets a bit testy. You should watch her."

Jenny: "I don't like Tuesdays."
Amy: "Today's Monday."
Jenny: "I'm talking about tomorrow. Gosh Amy. Think ahead."
Amy: "I've only got one..."
Jenny: "Brain cell?"
Amy: "Head."
Jenny: "...ahuh."
Amy: "A, head. Geddit?"
*Jenny shakes head sadly*

When I left home this morning, I was clutching onto a small fluffy stuffed toy tiger known as Sergeant Fuzzy-Boots.
When I got home this afternoon, I was clutching onto a bouquet of three full flowers, two stalks and one flower without a stalk that didn't belong to either of the other two stalks.
Thank you to the beautiful person who gave them to me. =)

The Crazy Redhead Ran Head-First into a Tree

On this date, 17 years ago, Freddie Mercury drew his last breath. To comemorate this event Jenny went to school with black earrings, black eye-make up (she usually wears none), a black undershirt and a black ribbon around her neck.

When she walked into German...
Mrs Raby: "Get over it. He's dead. He's a pile of ashes by now."
Millie: "Jenny... are you ok? Are you actually crying?"
When Mrs Raby was marking the roll she encouraged students to wave to her.

Jenny: "I'm not waving to Frau Raby. Not now. *Glares*"
Millie: "You get lollies."
Jenny: "Oh! I'll wave now."
Mrs Raby: "Nope. Too late."

After a while, Mrs Raby decided to try and make Jenny feel slightly better.

"Can you do exercise F? For Freddie Mercury."

Yes. Giving us WORK will make Jenny feel oh so much better. (Shut up Millie/Chris/Anyone else in my German Class).

Mrs Raby: "I saw Queen when they were in Botswana."
Jenny: "What were you doing in Botswana?!"
Mrs Raby: "I used to live there."
Jenny: "Are there any continents you haven't lived on?"
Mrs Raby: "America."
Millie: "Not even Mrs Raby would touch that."

Hugh: "The school is out and the students go to the ice dealer."
Mrs Raby: "Yep. Next translation... wait. What'd you say?"

"A ball is a circular square." - The Wiseness of Mrs Raby.

Mrs Raby: "Where's Geordie?"
Jenny: "Mr Harrison dropped him on his head."
Saxon: "They took him to hospital then Geordie's Dad picked him up."
Max: "How do you know?"
Saxon: "Mr Harrison's back."
Jenny: "Wait, Mr Harrison went to the hospital with him?! How do you explain that? 'Ah yes. This child was...ah...accidentally dropped on his head somehow. Can you fix it or replace it with a similar looking one so the parents don't notice?' "

"I am a lot like a pokemon, aren't I?" - Jenny

Mrs Raby: "If you do your homework now, you won't have to do it when you get home."
Jenny: "I did F before you told us to. I'm ahead of you all. Ha!"
Mrs Raby: "Have you done next years book yet?"
Jenny: "Ah...well...um...ye...no."
Mrs Raby: "I'm sending a SIP home."

*A Year 7 kid peeks into our classroom.*
Jenny *Creepily*: "Hello Child."
Emily: "Ignore her, she's emo."
Jenny: "No I'm not. I'm just very hungry"
*Jenny heads towards the door. The kid slams the door shut and locks it.*

My father and I were watching a duck swimming along. We called to the duck and it got out of the water and wagged its tail at us before it got back in the water and swam away. It headed towards a little bridge.

My father called out "Duck".

This gave way to a new phrase. When someone makes a really bad joke, they are said to have "said duck to the duck."

Example:

Jenny: "Are you going to have nightmares about triangles tonight?"
Mrs Raby: "I'll try not to."
Millie: "Ha, ha... Try, tri..."
Jenny: "Eurgh. Duck to the duck."

Magical Bananas That Turn Into Penises

There was a mutiny in the German class today! Sam and Max took over because Mrs Raby left us for at least a quarter of an hour. They make a great pair.

Chris: "What does 'Nichts wie raus hier!" mean?"
Max: "That's a really good question!"
Sam: "If we just turn the backs of our books..."

Mrs Raby came back in, she was made to knock and then she sat down at an empty seat and we carried on with the lesson.

Mrs Raby: "You could ask -them- to translate."
Sam: "Put your hand up!"
*Raises hand*
Sam: "Yes Carole?"

Mrs Raby: "Look for a past particle."
Max: "We might as well let -Carole- teach the class."

Mrs Raby: "Why are you asking them prepositions? I said past participles."
Sam: "We're warming them up."

Sam: "Ashley, you're on fire."
Jenny: "Oh, I wish."

Sam: "Jenny! Inappropriate. I'm seeing you after class."

Jenny: "Guess who topped the class for Science? You!"

Chris: "Wow. That makes me feel pretty damn good about myself."
Jenny: "That's because you are pretty damn good about yourself."

Chris: "Aww...if that made any sense whatsoever...thanks. About earlier... why were we talking about who had better conditions as a porn star?"

*Mr Perkins looks into a box with condoms and a banana that is on his desk.*
Mr Perkins: "Is this your gear then?"

Mr B: "Yep."
Mr Perkins: "I heard you had a reputation. *Really creepy laugh as he leaves the room*"

Girl reading outloud: "Cave paintings in France showed condom use."
Mr B: "I read that and thought about it, I didn't think about it for too long... but the first thing i thought was, how do you draw that?!"

Boy reading outloud: "Gabriel Fallopius found that condoms prevented pregnancies."
Mr B: "I wish that was my name. You all have to call me Gabriel Fallopius."

Boy reading outloud: "Condoms are now available in all shapes and sizes."
Hiroko: "Oooh! For a second there I was thinking squares and triangles..."

"Would you like the banana on or off? That sounds really weird..." - Mr B.

Chris: "Jenny, your phone's ringing."
Jenny: "Fucking hell. They've been fucking ringing me all day! I don't fucking know you. Leave me the fuck alone! Fuckity fuck fuck... Oh! It's Dad..."

A Little Less Lust in the Playground Please

Chris: "I was almost hit by a pen! My life flashed before my eyes!"
Jenny: "It's not the first time you've been hit by a pen. Ooooh!"
Chris: "That was below the belt."

Jenny: "I don't have sex dreams."
Flick: "You're weird."

Fruitbats!!

Year 7 HSPA Chick: "We were watching a video of Queen today, there were lots of girls riding a motocycle wearing barely nothing. I bet all the boys in my class had boners."
Jenny: "But, you're in year 7! They'd all be so small. WAIT! NO! I DIDN'T IT MEAN LIKE THAT!!"

Three cheers for Chlamydia!

More Jenny on Dwyer religion talk! (You heard me.)
Jenny: "But you're religion makes you against homosexuals."
Dwyer: "I'm not against them, I just don't agree with them."
Trent: "That makes all the difference."

"He's so cute I just want to kill him." - Jenny about Ryan, the brand new year 7 SRC person.

Jenny: "Calm down Amanda, breathe in through your nose, out through your mouth..."
Amanda: "I can't breathe through my nose."
Jenny: "Hahahahahaha, sorry... that sounds like I'm trying to get you to kill yourself..."

"It's a tissue, not a friggin' blanket!" - Dwyer after witnessing Jenny very carefully folding a tissue.

Jenny: "Hi Mum"
Mum: "Didn't you have a fringe?"

*Watching a video in History*
Mr Perkins: "Blah, blah, blah..."
Jenny: "Shhh! Oh! I'm sorry! That was automatic!"
Mr Perkins: "I understand. *Pats Jenny on the head*"

This is one of those random stories where you write a line and leave a word o
n the next line and someone else writes a line without seeing the previous full line. Normal font is what I wrote, Italics is what Millie wrote and Bold is what Emily wrote. Spelling mistakes included!

Millie entered into the magic garden and found a beatiful is a great word ... it can many things. Any way, on with the story... "Oooooh" cried the magical elves. Blueberry the muffin shouted "RABIES!!" is the disease they told us Jenny had. We all sobbed hystericly. Yeah, I think everyones been there ... or at least I have. No money to save Jenny. Poor Jenny. Lest we forget.

Another Night At Mercury's

THE DRAMA PERFORMANCE IS OVER!! ...It'll never be performed again. ='(
Most of the lines in the play will be forgotten by the end of the year...some of the lines were never learnt. Some people didn't know their own character names. It was gruelling, tough work but it was worth it just to hear one little line:

Daisy (Jenny's Character): "You sorted out your problems like grown men! I'm impressed... and surprised."
JOHN. Not Dave. JOHN!! (Jacob's Character): "Let's hope you're not the only chick impressed and surprised tonight."

Yes... that was the best line in the performance (in Jenny's opinion)...what does it say about the rest of it?

"You're not insane...just crazy." - Thanks Amanda. That makes it all so much better.

Laura (Year 10 bus friend): "Now, I don't want you to feel like I'm pressuring you into having sex with your boyfriend."
*Jenny laughs so hard she hits her head on the buspole thingy with the button on it*

What Mrs Scollay Wrote On The Board: "2^3 x 2^2 = 4^5. What has Sally done wrong? Answer, She is a woman."

Trent: "Haha, you're a diligent student."

Siobhan to me: "What are you doing in here? You're not in our class. Wait...yes you are."
Josie: "This is English. You're not in our class.

"I feel like I'm having a baby from my Abdomen" - Laura (Year 10 bus friend)

Someone I've forgotten: "You know what's really cool? Putting petrol on a guitar, lighting it on fire and playing it with your teeth."
Jenny: "JIMI!!"
Amy: "...who?"
Jenny: "Jimi Hendrix."
Amy: "WHERE?!"

Jenny: "If you put white board marker over the other stuff it'll come off easier."
Mrs. Raby: "You've researched this haven't you?"

Ah, the passions that are aroused *slaps any hands held out* in 'The Mou'... the anger, the hilarity, the pain, the non-existant moustache, the AIDS, the Freddie "Most Awesome Creature to Ever Exist And I really Wish He was Alive and not OLD" Mercury, the envy, the EDGAR!! ...

"Envy?" I hear you ask, (that's right, my hearing's so good I can read your minds BEFORE THE THOUGHT HAS EVEN GOT THERE!)" Envy." I reply.

"What would I be envious about?" you ask again (Even though you haven't asked it yet). The fact that EMILY'S GETTING A TOUCH IPOD FOR CHRISTMAS!!! Thaaaaat's right. A touchpod. *slaps more hands*

Where's the Gecko?

Flick: "She just wants an excuse to touch you."
Chris: "As they all do."
Jenny: "Except everyone."
Chris: "...yeah."

"You've just got to laugh when a dog gets killed by a lawnmower..." - Dad, after watching a movie where a dog gets killed by a lawnmower.

Chris: "My Dad's Grandmother died..."
Jenny: "Oh...I'm sorry. How's your Dad handling it?"

Chris: "Er ist traurig, aber nicht zu traurig. (He is sad but not too sad)."

What Jenny Heard: "Er ist traurig, aber nicht suicidal-ich."


"I don't like my skin being green..." - Dean.

Mrs Raby: "I have a really annoying bird who lives outside my bedroom window. It keeps making these noises every morning...WOO WOO, WOO WOO"
Sam: "What do you do in a morning Frau Raby?"

"I forgot to write which Congruency Test I'd used at the end!! The cardinal sin of maths teaching!" - Mrs Scollay

More advice from "Great" Aunt Lucy

I'll teach you the basics of caring for a friend with alochol poisoning:
a) Find someone else to look after them.
b) If nobody can be found ...run.

Bankle

Amy: "I have kittens!!!"
Jenny: "But you don't have a cat!!!"

Do you have a body in your bag?

Reason No#571 Why Jenny Shouldn't Join The Army:

At Zone Empire, she ran into Rhiannon's gun. This action left a bruise (albeit tiny) on Jenny's nose.

Flick: "Ha! Mrs. Scollay got 3 and 5 mixed up."
Jenny: "Og! It's Graham Chapman back from the dead to teach us MATHS!!"

"You're missing out on a world of congruency!" - Mrs. Scollay.

Jenny: "I do up girls buttons and do boys buttons...unup...?"
Brittany: "Down dear."
Jenny: "Just because you're experienced enough to know the proper terminology..."

"Your ruler happened!!" - Chris, trying hard to get into The Mou.

Mrs Raby to Sam - "Put a dictionary in your manbag."

Stick: "You could rape them."
Jenny: "Why would he want to rape them?"
Stick: "Why wouldn't he?"
Jenny: "Because they're ugly."
Stick: "...You're more frank than me!!"

"If you're going to get Tattoos, get real ones!!" - Mr Farquharson telling Chris off for letting Amy and Flick draw on him.

"You have to put your name on your popper or someone will take your popper." - Mrs Raby.

"I have multiple virginities." - MIKEY!!

Jenny: "The Moustache was the cause of the AIDS!! It jumped upon Freddie's face and said "Haha, You've got AIDS." then it stayed there. He only realised it was the moustache's fault...when it was too late."
Zooty: "Did the Moustache bring the gayness too?"
Jenny: "...*glare*"

"I'm not fat! I throw up every morning to make sure I don't get that way."

Jenny: "Oh when the Saints, come marching in..."
Chris: "Isn't it go?"
Jenny: "Grr! You mucked up the song! I kept getting come and go mixed up."
*Stick turns around and stares at us*

"Dean has Jesus hair, but Trent has BRIAN MAY!! hair." (Brian May was the guitarist for Queen.)

Emily/Millie: "Did we scare you?"

Jenny: "Yes. I was so afraid I couldn't breath through my mouth."
Sophie: "So...you breathed through your nose?"

Jenny: "Look! It's Sam! ...Haha! Made you look."
Millie: "But...it IS Sam."
Jenny: "I still made you look."

Jenny: "Trust me, he doesn't need help in THAT area. Hehe, am I giving you images?"

Amy: "ARGH! IMAGES!!"

Jenny: "Hehehe. *sings* Lollipop lollipop, oooh lolli-lolli-lolli. LOLLIPOP!"

"When you're with Jenny, you don't need a drug." - The wiseness of Amy.

Zooty: "Your Dad's gay?"

Amy: "Her Dad listens to The Spice Girls."
Jenny (Quietly): "...Don't normal Dad's do that?"
Zooty: "But...you're here."
Jenny: "Ricky Martin had kids you know. IT PROVES NOTHING!!"

NESS JOKE!

What's the difference between a beetroot and an egg?

You can beat an egg, but you can't beat a good root.

Oh Biscuit, We barely knew thee.

*Jenny attempts to strangle Chris shortly after he kept insinuating she was a slut*

Chris: "That's my throat. I use it for breathing and such."
*Jenny looks at him*

Chris: "Why? What do you use yours for?"

"Doing things naked is great. It makes everything so much more exciting." - Onlooker.

Mr Sajko: "What was another country at war with The Allies in WW1? C'mon! Americans eat it at Thanksgiving..."
Flick: "Steak!!"

*Sam rattles off in German whilst Mrs Raby writes it up*
Mrs Raby: "What?! You slept with your sister?!"

Jenny: "How about that weather?"
Rhiannon: "The rain is very wet."
Jenny: "Yes, I've only seen it wet once before in my time and that was in a pool."
Rhiannon: "Was it an indoor or outdoor pool?"

Amy: "Biscuit was a really good friend. I wish I had had the chance to eat him."

Jenny: "Don't you mean 'meet'?"
Amy: "...no."

"You don't brush with a sweep do you?" - Mrs Raby

Rhiannon and I stole Emily's soul (folder) today. She open window and was attempting to throw my bag out of it. The window fell down and smashed.

She had to go see Mr Kelty and we felt really bad...so, we made up a song and dance for her!

The Emily Apology Song!! All together now!
OOOOH, Emily Emily Emily, we're really really sorry.

We wish you would forgive us and then we'll all be jolly!! *Gives pretty flower to*

WE LOVE YOU EMY!!

NESSQUOTE!

"Woah! I just sneezed Apple out of my nose."

A little later...

"I just realised why my nose still feels funny. I STILL HAVE APPLE UP MY NOSE!!"

Bad Trees

EMILY IS IN THIS POST!!!!!!!

Here it is folks. My 50th post. I tried to get quotes from everyone who has made The Mou great over time. One notable exception. See if you can spot it.

"Sudeep, don't just sit there like fungus on a log" - Mr Farquharson.

Chris: "Mr. Grogan has Troll Magic."
*Mr. Grogan comes round the corner*
Everyone: "Wooooah!!"

My brother bit the cats tail and a newspaper attacked him.

Jenny: "Aww, I don't have a breast pocket today."
Chris: "Don't look at me!"
Jenny: "You'd be a lovely breast pocket. *pats consolingly"

Chris: "*Nods head thankfully* ...wait. What?"

"The thing is...our Friday lessons, are you happy?" - Mr. Grogan.

Dad: "Iceland's gone bankrupt. It's assets have been frozen."
Jenny: "If their currency was ice, and they ran out of it, would they rename their country Land?"

"I just figured out Y isn't a number." - Flick

Jenny: "Did you know Mooey?"

Onlooker: "Mooey's a force of nature. Like gravity. You don't know gravity but you know OF gravity."
Jenny: "But Mooey's real!!"

*Jenny and Georgia laughing at each other for making faces across the classroom*
Mr Perkins: "What? Is my fly undone?"

Brittany: "Why are you sad?"

Jenny: "Because it's Friday and I have to go two days without you."
Brittany: "Aww yeah. I can't imagine going two days without me."

"Hahaha, I just made a class of 15 year olds run around with a witches hat on their heads, holding a leaf out in front of them." - Mr Bogdanovs.

"If you think your mother's cruel, think of Mother Nature. She sends sharks to bite you." - Dad.

A Section for Mrs Raby

"I drew on Mrs Milton's Smartboard with a pen. *Stops writing on the board she's writing on now.* Oopsy dais...is this a normal board?"

"Sometimes I can't find examples of what I'm talking about. It just blows it out of the water. There you go, I can't find it."

"You can't say "gebefellen" because it's just too lumpy."

Jenny's Radio Adventures

This is just a short entry because I'm an idiot. I misread an 8 as a 9. So there you go. There's just this quick entry then tomorrow THE BIG 50!! (I'm also telling this as a story without quotes, back to normal tomorrow.)

Thursday was the end of KOFM's Essential 2008 Countdown, some selected awesome people got reeeally excited about it.

Some of these selected awesome people (Flick and I) even sat outside during Maths just to listen to the radio.

The whole thing came to a dramatic climax during English. Emily and Millie had been trapped inside their classroom by a TEACHER!! SHOCK HORROR!! Mr Grogan, who is not a teacher but a MAGIC TROLL allowed Jenny to go outside and listen to the radio. BUT HOW WOULD SHE PASS ON THE SONGS TO EMILY AND MILLIE?!?!?!

She devised a scheme...the third song on the countdown was Bohemian Rhapsody. She turned the radio up loudly so they could hear it.

"Number 3. Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy..." Unfortunately, after she did that...SHE COULDN'T TURN IT BACK DOWN!!! Luckily, at that moment Kelby came along and pressed the off button. They ran around the corner and turned the radio back on and then down again.

Thank heavens for Kelby.

We found out later that not only had Bohemian Rhapsody got Sam into trouble, but there was a year 11 class next door who had been talking abut asexual reproduction only to be interrupted by a chorus of beautiful voices asking whether they were having hallucinations or not.

The rest of the countdown was not as adventurous. Kelby yelled the second song (Straight Lines by Silverchair) outside the classroom and then Jenny tried using Charades to tell them that You Shook Me All Night Long (by ACDC) was the top song. Unfortunately Emily was laughing too hard, Sophie didn't care and Millie couldn't see me.

This year was fun, I don't even want to think about what I'm going to have to do to hear the top 3 next year...

Sky Rockets In Flight

Jenny: "Yeah yeah...I can walk home from Gateshead."
Emily: "We're in Dudley."

Jenny: "...fuck."

Flick celebrated her birthday during the holidays. She even had a party! She just didn't tell us where the party was...so we assumed it was at her house. We were alone there, patting her cats, for half an hour before we were rescued.

Someone, can't remember who: "You like French Stuff."

Jenny: "Did you just call me a slut?"

We had been discussing in Geography how apparently the size of someone's foot is the size of their penis. (For boys obviously).

Later on...

Dwyer: "How big is your foot?"

Will: "Big enough to cause great pain in your arse."

We were all fairly amused.

I gave Chris a book for his birthday, a really wonderful one that I would love. So, after I'd given it to him I said I'd like it back.

The first day back at school, he'd packed the book to give back to me because he wasn't entirely sure whether I was joking or not.

"Ostenatos? Isn't that like a kind of vegetable?" - Someone during a MUSIC CLASS!!!

Jenny: "I realised that if I get to go to my cousins' wedding next year I'll have been to Four Funerals and A Wedding. Totally unrelated, our shoes are the same!!"
Josie: "OOH! If they all get married then there'd be four weddings."

Jenny: "Wouldn't that be bigamy?"

Josie: "Shoes have different laws to us."

Unrelated to what usually goes on 'The Mou' but something I'm really proud of... I GOT TWO OUTSTANDING'S FOR MY ENGLISH ASSIGNMENT!!!

Back to 'The Mou' with,

NESS STUFF!!

Jenny: "I'd like to suck a mousse one day. Through a straw!"

*Ness cracks up*
Jenny: "What?"

Ness: "I was thinking something else for mousse."

*Jenny starts banging her head against the wall.*

Jenny: "Wait, what were you thinking? Hair mousse?"

Ness: "The animal, moose."
*Everyone pictures meese being sucked up through a straw*
After a while, this conversation turned to beastiality. Enough said.

Eaidolinag

All that I'm hearing from you, is Teal Noise (Black Sound) Teal noise (black sound)...etc.

"On Tuesday, I showed no emotion. *Cracks up*" - Millie

Jenny: "Are you in? Are you coming?"
David: "Two entirely different questions about very much the same thing..."

Jenny: "Ya Mum's penis."
Chris: "My Mum doesn't have a penis. How else would she give birth to 5 children?"
Jenny: "Maybe it was your father."

I SPOKE TO THE GUY WHO NEVER SMILES EXCEPT FOR WHEN HE SMILES OR LAUGHS!!! I MADE HIM SMILE!! In a nervous, "why is this girl talking to me?" kind of way.

Jenny: "How do you think of these things?"
Mrs Raby: "What?"
Jenny: "Dad read the newspaper backwards. As an exercise."
Mrs Raby: "Where does it say backwards?"
Jenny: "Oooooh!"
*Mrs Raby laughs really really hard*

Jenny: "What did I just sit on?"
Chris: "A chair."

Jenny: "I can't remember what we did on Tuesday..."
Random Year 10 Dude standing nearby: "Men. Most likely..."

PENII!

Jenny: "He was hot."
Amanda: "Is he dead?"
Jenny: "Not yet. He's 60 something..."
Amanda: "So, soon."

Penis Truck Lesbian (Dick Van Dyke) is wrong as a penii do not truck lesbians.

Miss Rogers: "If you go to the outback, even in a tiny town you'll find at least 1 Chinese Restaurant"
Jenny: "Is that how we're measuring multiculturalism now? Chinese Restaurants?"

Jenny: "Look! It's a child. Let's eat it!"
Chris: "No. I'm going to learn. Ooh! Look! It's a child. Let's eat it!"

NESS QUOTE

Ness: "I was doing a crossword, and the letters we had were S - - E and the clue was 'Crazy'. So I wrote SANE."
Jenny: "What was the answer?"
Ness: "Nuts."

I'll Tube You!

*Watching Emily laugh extremely hard*
Jenny: "She's like me with the three straws. *goes red and cries with laughter*"

Hugh: "Can you explain it any easier?"
Mrs Raby: "I can stand on my head."
Everyone together: "...what?"

Jenny: "Next year my blue jewellery won't match my shirt!"
Millie: "Yeah. Cum-shirt. I know what that means now!!"

"Hit him with the crutch!" - Mark

Cock of steel, it is the sex.

*Watching Flick play with a popped balloon*
Jenny: "It looks like a condom."
Amanda: *Turns around and glares* "Let's keep this G-rated please."

Jenny: "He's dead now. He was alive, but now he's dead..."
Class: "No shit!"

Mr Farqharson: "Write an appropriate name for the graph..."
Chris: "So, 'Ratio of Arses to Cocks' is out of the question?"

Jenny: "I'll make a video of 'Every Breath You Take'. I'll sit in the bushes filming [Schtalkie Von Schtalk]."
Emily: *Rolls around in laughter for a while* "I can see her doing that..."

Chris: "Penis doesn't sound like gun!"
Jenny: "It does if you call it a gun!"

NESS QUOTE!!

"It's your fault I made myself eat my hair."

Shall I prepare the gladwrap?

Emily: "You've ruined it Jenny."
Jenny: "What?! Not our budding love..."
Emily: "Yes. You've ripped it into halves."
Jenny: "HALVES?! Ah, as long as it isn't quarters..."
Emily: "Yes. Quarters."
Jenny: "NOT THIRDS?! of quarters..."
Emily: "MANY!! YOU'VE TORN IT INTO MANY!!'
Jenny: "Woe! Our fractured fractioned love..."

*Whilst cutting cheese in PDM for the teacher's morning tea*
Jenny: "Ha...ha...I should make a -cheesy- joke."
*Emily and Sophie...die inside.*

Emily: "You need to see the new song I have on my Ipod!"
*Jenny tries to look at screen*
Emily: "NO! You have to listen!!!"

Jenny: "Woah...all the pairs of people onstage today consist of a black person and a fair-haired person..."
*Pause*
Caity: "OH MY GOD!! YOU'RE RIGHT!!!"

A Purple Puff was given birth to today...three times. First to Jenny, secondly to Caity and lastly to Dean. They were all immaculate conceptions. OOOOOH!! SOMEONE GOT OWNED!!

Isn't it nice that the second Purple Puff shares his Uncle's birthday? HIPPY BATHDAY SAMMY!!

Amanda: "Jenny. I'm disappointed in you. Not only did you steal a four year old's joke...but now you've stolen Mr. Grogan's pen. *shakes head*"

Here's the 4 year old's joke from above:

What's green and says "I'm a frog"? A TALKING FROG!!

*Watching people sitting on a bus*
Jenny: "He WAS giving you the finger...now that chick's sucking on it..."
Amy: "What? WHAT?!"
Chris: "The bus!"
Amy: "WHAT?!?!?!"
*Everyone hits their head, and then Amy's head*

VIEWER VOTE!! Who thinks that Amy should be the new Ness? 'Coz I haven't got many NessQuotes recently... Lemme know via the comment button.

Chris: "It's boring and awkward over here."
Jenny: "Why's that?"
Chris: "Because there isn't any conversation."
Jenny: "We're conversing right now!!!"

Chris: "I will intimidate someone some day."
Jenny: "Yeah. If you use a knife. *Jenny then cracks up picturing Chris intimidating someone with a knife*"

And now that you have that image of Chris intimidating someone with a knife, you're laughing too. Aren't you? AREN'T YOU?!

Thank you for reading. Please kick [Emily]. (Emily, please don't kill me. The world would be a sadder place...)

All-Tickled Out.

Emma stepped up to the wickets, ready to bat. The ball came towards her, she took an almighty swing and the BALL WENT FLYING! She threw the bat behind her and ran safely to first base. She turned around to see Jenny clutching her head in pain...she'd been hit over the head with the cricket bat.

I'm afraid that I've forced some people to develop a somewhat...unnecessary habit. The word "hard" has been almost completely dropped from Will's vocabulary (he corrects himself with 'difficult'). Not to mention, a conversation I had with Chris...(which I'll mention anyway)
Chris: "What are you doing with my pen? GAH! I didn't mean that!! ...Why did you borrow my biro?"
He got fairly agitated by me doing...absolutely nothing.

Emma and David had a fight at lunch today. Well, actually...they never got down to it. I asked whose side I should be on and they started coming up with reasons for me to be on their side. There were so many reasons...
Emma: "He's mean!"
Jenny: "Yeah, you're mean."
David: "Exactly. I'm mean."
Jenny: "He has a point."
That there, is a prime example.

Jenny: "Where's your pen?"
Toyboy: "Pen is in here. Ha...that'd look funny written down, without the space between 'Pen' and 'is' "

Jenny: "As long as I know who is doing what...then by all means go ahead."
Chris: "Famous Last Words..."

Amy: "My souls have hocks in them."
Jenny: "What?"
Amy: "What?"
Ness: "Haha, Amy's socks have holes in them!"
Amy: "I just said that!"
*Jenny shakes head bewilderedly*

Toyboy: "Yes. My nipples aren't circumsized."

MIKEY!!: "I feel like playing cards."
Jenny: "You don't look like playing cards!"
*Everyone shakes head at the bad joke being used again on 'The Mou'. "Go to hell Jenny!!" they all think to themselves. I'm right, aren't I?*

"I owe someone a good ball in the nuts. Please don't quote that out of context." - Cole

Mr. Grogan: "So who are the Directors in this group?"
Chris: "Those two. *Points to Mark and Jenny*
Mark: "Ya Mum's ugly."
Jenny: "Ya Mum's FACE is ugly"
Mark: "Ya Mum's PENIS is ugly"
Jenny: "That's a good one...I'll remember that. Ya Mum's Mum is UGLY"
Mr Grogan: "*Shakes head* You're stuffed."

Chris is like my brother from another Mother...and Father. So...really he's not my brother at all. BUT HE'S STILL PRETTY DAMN AWESOME!!! More awesome than my brother...hmm. That's ironic.

Knee Height to a Grasshopper

*After Mum did Jenny's hair up*
Mum: "Ooh, you look cute."
Jenny: "...I'm not cute. I'm hardcore!!"
Mum: "Alright...cutecore."

Jenny: "Oh, is that really so wrong?"
Mrs Raby: "Yes."

"My nipples don't exist!!" - MIKEY!!

Mum: "I always get Dad's number mixed up with the Doctor's"
Dad: "Yeah, the doctor's really intruiged as to why she keeps giving him Father's Day presents."

Jenny *After reading about The Addam's Family*: "Isn't that cool?!?! A child star who didn't grow up weird!!"
Mum: "Uncle Fester isn't weird?!?! Sweetie, I think we should have a talk..."

AIDS; Fun for the whole family.

Jenny: "Have you ever made out with a girl whose hair is longer than yours?"
Toyboy: "No..."
Jenny: "What does that tell you?"

NESS QUOTE!!!! (finally)

"Apple seeds! From an apple! Who would've thought?!"

Spot, the Tiger

Jenny: "We're going to watch a fetus in a womb..."
Chris: "Ha...ha, A womb with a view."

Mr Grogan: "What are you doing?"
Flick: "Sheep!"

Hiroko: "Can I go to the toilet to do a wee please?"
Mr Farqharson: "I would've understood if you'd said Number 1."
Hiroko: "Fine, I'll have a baby."
Mr Farqharson: "That's a number five."

*Writing my address on her hand*
Jenny: "No, you spelt it wrong. It's D-A, not D-L"
Flick: "Oops! *Reaches for whiteout*

Jenny: "Should I have a baby when I'm older?"
*People sitting in front turn around and stare*

"For the next few years, this baby will be fully dependant on it's parents..."
*Jenny pretends to hold a baby out in front of her*
Jenny: "Hmm, You know, I'm pretty sick of you. Go fend for yourself."
Chris: "...yeah. I don't think you should have children."

*Talking about what we're doing in our English assignment"
Alice: "We're going to be stuck in a lift...but the stories weren't going anywhere."
Mr Grogan: "Ha, that was a good one."
Alice: "What?"

Mum: "You're sick! It's raining! Don't go out!"
Dougy: "I'll be right. It's not raining thaaat heavily."
*Exit Dougy*
Mum: "Well, he's more related to you than me."
*Jenny's mouth hangs open*

Miss Rogers: "Just pop down anywhere, we won't be here long."
Flick: "Oooh! Good, I'll sit on the floor."
Jenny: "You'd get out of your seat just to do that?"
Miss Rogers *laughs*: "I like your logical sitting, Jenny."

Jenny: "So...you're 21, and your children range from the ages 21-32..."
Mr Grogan: "That's right. I have grandchildren too. Do you want to know how old they are?"
Jenny: "Yeah?"
Mr Grogan: "The oldest one is 38."
*Chris' head explodes*

Mr Perkins: "Is that girl there Tory? *Directs at Flick*"
Jenny: "No, you were close though. The girl called Tory is sitting just there."

Josie *getting on bus*: "Bye Jenny!"
Jenny: "Bye!"
Chris: "Bye Jen."
Jenny *looks around*: "I'm not going anywhere..."

This was not the first time Chris has incorrectly farewelled someone...

*Mikey rode off on a bicycle. An old man rode back from the other direction..."
Toyboy: "DID YOU GET LIPO MIKEY?!?!
Chris: *Waves* Bye again Mikey."

Ms. Johnson: "If you're a boy who's interested in netball, please join up for next year. Our team this year are all very tall...so you've got big shoes to fill.
Jenny: "Ahahahahahahaha"
Emily: "What?"
Jenny: "Big shoes big...*meaningful glance*"
Emily: "What?"
Jenny: "Actually...I don't know how it ends."

Green chalk is EVIL.

What Jenny overheard in Circus skills...
"Your girlfriend is being a plank."
"Ha, ha...it rhymes with skank."

Teacher: "There are more children per family in Rural Communities. Why would that be?"
*Many people snigger childish*
Georgia: "Because there's nothing else to do?"

Jenny: "I can oogle and talk!"
Chris: "You talk about oogling!"
Jenny: "I do not!"
Chris: "You do so!"
Jenny: "I do not!"
Chris: "You're doing it right now!"
Jenny: "I'm not talking about it."
Chris: "...GAAAH!!!"

On the twelfth day of Maths Class my true love gave to me...
A sheep in a custard pie.
Two speckled geese.
Three school shirts
Four pink elephants
Five Highlighters
Six Chris'
Seven Polka Dots
Eight Blades of Grass
Nine Leafy Things
Ten Cement Bricks
Eleven Unicycles
Twelve Troll-wizards.

Jenny: "I don't talk to Chris on MSN, it's a waste of finger energy."
*Flick collapses in laughter.*

I spent the teachers strike with a root on my leg. It was named 'The Magical Turnip of Ever-Lasting Cat Whiskers". GREEN CHALK put it there. It also put "I have levitating Chesticles" on Nina's skirt, "Sandwich (Eat Me) *arrow pointing to fly*" on Toyboy and "I have a world-crushingly big penis" on Will.

2nd of September is henceforth "Annual Groping Day"

Easy Motto

I can make people want to kill me then themselves. Wanna see how?
What do you call a really sweet person from Cuba?
A SUGAR-CUBAN!!

*Throwing insults at one another*
Cole: "Boobs" *points*
Jenn: "Penis"
Cole: "Nah-ah."

Trent: "What are you looking for, Chris?"
Jenny: "His virginity."

Jenny: "You're so gay!! I LOVE YOU!!"
Chris: "...That's a sentence you don't hear everyday."
Jenny: "Really? I seem to say it a lot..."

"Are you circumsized?"
Tory: "Yeah, it's all natural."

An example of Mrs. Bro's German Speaking Skills:
Studenten ein neuf, neufty-neuf.
Starten anywheren
but at enden
Given me answeren.
Worken Togetheren!!

MIKEY!!: "We were watching you in Physics...you were hugging trees."
Jenny: "...No we weren't."
MIKEY!!: "You mean, there were no trees involved?"
Jenny: "No..."
MIKEY!!: "THERE WERE NO TREES INVOLVED?!?!?!"
Jenny: "No..."
MIKEY!!: "Oh, ok."

Jenny: "Mr Grogan!! What are you wearing?!"
Mr Grogan: "A jacket."
Jenny: "But...but...you look presentable. You can't change your usual attire without giving us some sort of warning!!

Give Me Freddie's Body

Jenny: "It's Cole!!" *Waves to him*
Mrs Raby: "Well put a jumper on then."

I have an abusive boyfriend. Well, I don't. It's just less embarrassing than what really happened... I walked into a door.

Mikey: "Please laugh more."

Nat: "Hahahaha Mr B's a goat. Baaaa"

"Don't stand on my cup." - Ms. Hingston.

"I can see up his nose!!"

Jenny: "I want a ride in MIKEY!!'s boat."
Nina: "I want to smell MIKEY!!'s boat."

Cole turned Asian (Japanese).

*Jenny and Nina talking about bumsex*
MIKEY!!: "What? I only heard the front of that."

Spot. The Tiger.

Jenny: "Stop looking at me!!"
Mrs Raby: "I'm not!"
Jenny: "YOU'RE DOING IT RIGHT NOW!!!"

*Playing Charades, Amy's thingy was 'In The Navy'*
Jenny: "Don't use my brother as an example."
Emily: "Gay?"

Jenny: "My parents have been married 23 years this year. They're so old. Sorry [Millie's Mum]!"
Emily: "Why'd you say sorry?"
Jenny: "Because she is old."

Pringles is a funny word.

We've got the biggest...BALLS OF THEM ALL!!!

"Trans-gender operation...we all want one." - Mr Grogan

Is there anything more awesome than a MIKIE!! Jenny and Toyboy sandwich? (Yes I know there is. A Jenny, Jenny and Jenny sandwich would indeed be more awesome)

"A strawberry lamington is like red licquorice. It's just not licquorice!" - Hugh

Amy: "You've got to TAKE IT BY THE BALLS" *Makes hand gesture of grabbing -something-*
Jenny: "The chance or him?"
Amy: "BOTH!!!"

Jenny: "So where is everyone?"
Mum: "Your Father's upstairs and Jennifer's in bed...I don't know why I said that. Douglas is at work."

Jenny: "It's not fair. Everyone wants to rape Chris. No one wants to rape me..."
MIKEY!!: "That's just because he has a face that's just screaming 'Please rape me'"

Good news everyone! HE DOESN'T SOUND LIKE A GOAT AFTER ALL!! Yay.

"I've done more thrusting today than I usually do in a month." - Jenny, whilst at Amy's house. DUN DUN DUUUUUUUN.

Please, give generously to those who drink Macdonald's Sprite and then go insane and start waltzing and can-can-ing to ACDC.

WOOT FREE HANDOUTS!!

Ich habe sieben Schtalkees. (I have seven stalkees.)

Tom Tom the piper's son, stole a pig and away he ran. The pig was eat and Tom was beat and he ran crying down the street.


"Turning singles into Queens!"


Never, ever try a Piggy-front. It looks far too suss... Yes, I speak from experience.

Also, never bite anyone's ankle (or jackets). They tend to think it's weird...


"Hehe, Chris...it's looking at you." - Jenny, whilst waving a sheep (or horses) eyeball in his face.


BANANA BIRD KID'S NAME IS PETER!!

Now to figure out the name of The Guy Who Never Smiles Except The One Time He Laughed And When He Smiles. Then I'll know all the names of my Stalkees.


Jenny: "Penguin. Come with me."
Random Year 8: "Haha, it's ok Matt. Just pretend it's Jenny."
Jenny: "...How did you know my name?" (Second time I've said that in two days... I'm quite well-known)
Random Year 8: "That IS Jenny? Hahahahaha..."


Max: "Come here everyone! Jenny's talking dirty."
Jenny: "Dirty? I'll talk dirty alright. Mud, dirt...baaaaaad thiiiiings."

BACK-FAT BUDDIES!!

"Making someone waddle like a penguin is like having sex with them." - Max

"I heard that Montgomery the Lamington Judge is having an affair with a lady who likes JENNY ...jenly...JELLY LAMINGTONS!!" - Rumaden the Strong (as an ant) Man.

NESSQUOTE

"I can't spell even in my dreams. I was spelling the country Baha, B-A-K-A."

Three Lightbulbs and a Goldfish.

"DON'T JUST SIT THERE LIKE A BUNCH OF MUSHROOMS!! I've seen sparkier people in Night of the Living Dead" - Mr Farqharson, the only man to own an entire class.

Chris stole all my own personal quotes, so be sure to check his bloggy thingy outty, www.pmgtehsledgehammer.blogspot.com (Then you'll see how lucky you are to read THE MOU!! WOOT JENNY'S BLOGGY THINGY!!!)

I killed Death Metal.

Bianca: "Have you had bumsex?"
Jenny: "...Not that I'm aware of."

Bianca: "Are you sure?"

Jenny: "I would hope so. What do you know that I don't?"

Bianca: "Nothing. I was just asking."

There was a bird in my house this afternoon, only Mum, the cat and I were home. Guess who is the only one who's not afraid of birds? If you said the cat...you were wrong. (It was me).

Mr Perkins: "Osama Bin Ladin was the democratic candidate..."

Student: "...Don't you mean Barack Obama?"

Mr Perkins: "Oooooh! *Turns red and buries himself in his knees.* Slip of the tongue!!"

NESS QUOTE ... WITH A TWIST!!

Emily: "Big bird. Half Emu, half Canary and one Duck."

Ness: "...That makes 1 and a half."

Train stations don't have doors.

DUCKS DO HAVE SEX!! THE QUESTION HAS BEEN ANSWERED!! I EVEN KNOW WHERE THE DUCKS PENIS IS KEPT!!

Why didn't I ask a Science teacher earlier?

Laura: "I'm OCD. I'm having hallucinations about my obsessions."
Jenny: "That just means you're obsessed...wait, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder...riiiight."

"I broke my glasses after walking into a No Stopping sign." - Elyse.

Jenny: "I thought Helen was nice!"
Nina: "She is nice. Just in a very violent way."

"I'd hug your legs but they're hairy." - Amy, on hugging Chris' legs.

Jenny: "Dwyer! You're a prick."
Mr Farqharson: "We don't use words like that in Science!"
Jenny: "Alright. You're a penis then!"
Mr Farqharson: "That's fine."

"I really need to stop hanging out with you people. I end up getting ridden and fagging people!" - Toyboy.

Mrs Raby: "To get cheap travel insurance you could go somewhere..."
Some kid: "Fiji!!"

Jenny: "No more graphs on the white board or feel Mrs Raby's WRATH!"
Sam (Duncan, not Chris): "Did you say rack?"

Jenny: "You rang my Mother up while she was teaching a class."
Mrs Raby: "She shouldn't have had her phone on. If you turn it on, it's going to ring."
Jenny: "Not for my Mum."

"Do you want to make a baby without making a baby?" - Trent, with the best pick up line ever.

Mr Farqharson: "Chris isn't as innocent as you may think. He DOES sit next to Jenny all the time."
Jenny: "I resent that!!"
Mr Farqharson: "Did you say you resemble that?"

"I don't want a baby coming out of my fucking vaginas!" - Dean, refusing to be pregnant for our history thing.

NESSQUOTE


"Not kidding. When I was younger I had a dream that my Dad was having surgery to take a plank of wood out of his stomach. It turns out it was just a real life Vasectomy."

"Who keeps diamonds inside goats?"

Hug-Rapist.

"I was just shitting in the pub when the tsunami hit." - Chris, performing in Drama.

"I'm just giving you all advice. If you want to say you have a hallway in your bedroom then fine. You do that." - Mrs Raby.

Jenny: "Saying actress, as opposed to actor, is politically incorrect."
Britney: "Not sexually."
Jenny: "...what?"

"Elyse, if your semen is blue you should really see a doctor...for more than one thing."

Hey look! It's an Emily and Flick mention!! Just for Emily. Feel special...feel special.

"If you forget your lines then you really shouldn't say 'Shit' or 'Fuck'." - Mr Grogan.

Toilet Guy is the new Other Guy!

Jenny: "Jacqui will be a great father one day."
Brittni: "She doen't have a penis."
Jenny: "...are you sure?"

"So it's like a shitting orgy." - Nina

Jenny: "So...I got your pen out of your pocket."
Toyboy: "That's not my pen."
Jenny: "...*blink blink*"

NESSQUOTE

"Did you know cocoa-cola is made from cola nuts?"

I stole chalk.

Millie: "When a dog gets neutered, it's whole personality changes."
Sophie: "Yeah, it becomes a cat."

"Having Amanda in your day brightens it up. I'm like the sun...but on earth." - Amanda.

Jenny: "...Are you biting my hair?"
Max: "Yes. Yes I am."

Stalkie Von Stalkee sounds like a goat. It's sad that I've been "stalking" him for so long and have never heard his voice properly until today...AND IT SOUNDS LIKE A GOATS VOICE!! (If a goat could speak...which I'm sure it can. It just doesn't want to talk to you.)

"I have two other bananas to fellate." - MIKEY!!

Mr Perkins: "How would women have changed after the war?"
Student: "They'd be more affectionate."
Mr Perkins: "Let's leave sex out of this please."

"Get your weenus out of my ribs!" - Nina.

Jenny: "Do you like Queen?"
Mr Perkins: "No, I'm an Elton John man myself." (This I took as an admission to being LIKE Elton John. As in, homosexual.)

Mr Perkins: "She's a pretty little thing. Oooh, I shouldn't've said that."
*People in hearing shot laugh*

Nina: "It's not everyday you get a woman to sit on your lap for free, Mikey."
Jenny: "It's not free! I'll give him the bill before I get off."
*Nina sniggers*

NESSNESS (As in, Vanessaness.)

Ness and I were going to go the movies on Saturday, but unfortunately, the movie Ness wanted to view DOESN'T EXIST!!!

Please, give generously to those in need. Like Ness.

Kumquat Trees

Have you ever spent 10 minutes ringing the doorbell of a house at 8.00 in the morning before you realise you're at the wrong house? No? Just me then...

"You should never be on the bottom of a man pile...ever." - Stick

Jenny: "Yeah, I'm just like one of the boys. Except I'm a girl..."
Mooy: "No. Tomgirl, Jenny. Tomgirl...boy."

I LOVE AMANDA!!! I linked her "The Mou" and she said that she'd laughed so hard she had tears in her eyes. Do any of YOU get tears in your eyes when you read it? (I mean tears of laughter...) HMM?? Thank you Amanda. Thank you.

Jenny: "That's why you love me...no, I say that too often. That's why you adore me...no...what's that other A word?"
Onlooker: "Ass"
Jenny: "I meant something that meant love...although 'I ass you' does have a nice ring to it."
(Extra Funniess about above: Ass, Donkey, Female Donkey, Jenny. Ring, Bell...geddit? IT'S LIKE THE DIVINCI CODE!!)

Michael: "Why do you never quote me?"
Jenny: "Coz you never say anything funny."
(HAPPY?! You should be...you should be.)

Excerpt of a conversation Dwyer overheard between Mooy & Jenny:
"That's not that big. My boyfriends is bigger."
It made him turn red and fall off his chair. Funnily enough, it wasn't actually what he thought...but it was related. YEAH! GO FIGURE THAT ONE OUT!!

NESS QUOTE

"Damnit, all these poles are square. Why does no one have any round poles anymore?!"

Reproducing Balloons

Jenny: "Derek. He's awesome!"
Flick: "Yeah. Let's call him DD for short" (DD as in the sound D not the actually letter D. So it's not deedee, it's dd.)
Jenny: "...how would you spell that?"
Flick: "Doubly...doubly doo."

NEW THEORIES ON DUCK MATING!!

Flick: "Do they lay eggs?"
Jenny: "Hmm...maybe. But would they have to get laid before they lay eggs?"

Have you heard the joke about the peanut butter? No? Oh well...it must'nt've spread yet.

Jenny: "I'm talking to an inanimate object."
Flick: "Maybe it's animate."
Jenny: "Maybe it's animated."
Flick: "So it's an animated animate object."
Jenny: "It's a cartoon!!"
Flick: "Well it does have hair."
Jenny: "...you have hair. WOAH! You're a cartoon!"

"Don't make me duck slap you!! ha...it sounds like Turkey Slap."

*To the tune of Schnappy*

D D Derek, Derek, Derek, Derek. D D Derek, Derek, Derek Duck.

Flick: "Question 5 is 80. Just like me. It longs to be close to you."

THE BUMP CONVO!

How to make Blackened Death Metal, Chris Style! "Take a bar of iron, stab it so it's "death", char it so it's "blackened" ...Blackened Death Metal."

"The duck's hic-hipping!"

Jenny: "Don't manhandle him!"
Mackenzie: "He LIKES it... It is a he, right?"

"I have non-existant duck snot on my jumper." - Chris.

Chris got mad at a hand puppet...but not the owner of the hand.

Chris: "For the ducks safety, I'm going to count to 10 slowly..."
Flick: "Why? Can't you count fast?"

"I can't get over the fact you used a hand puppet to tell me I'm immature."

THERE SHOULD BE A MILLIE QUOTE HERE BUT I FORGOT IT!! SORRY MILLIE!!

Loser Panda

Jenny: "Old people think LOL means Lot's Of Love"
Emily: "Yeah, my Dad used to go "Bye Emily. LOL."

Mum: "So, did you have a nice birthday?"
Jenny: "Yeah!! And no pets died!!"
Mum: "Well, it's not over yet...and the cat has been annoying me a lot..."

Emily: "Jenny, why don't you like cake?"
Jenny: "It's a long story..."
Chris: "We've got time."
Jenny: "Ah. Well, I just don't like it."
Emily: "I'd love to hear her short stories!"


Mrs Raby: "So are you two partners?"
Jenny: "Sorry Millie...you're not my type."

*Performing Drama Thingy*
Mr. Grogan: "No, Jenny. Say it like this "Do you...get food orgasms?"
Jenny: *laughs* "Sorry...I'm not used to hearing teachers say that..."
Mr Grogan: "What? You think we've never heard of them?"

*Ness and Emily lying on the floor*
Emily: "It's so much more fun down here."

ADVICE FROM 'GREAT' AUNT LUCY!

"I'm going to give you some condoms. You never know when you need them."

"The biggest number of people I've kissed at one party is 7. Boys and girls in the mix. Good fun."

"You know what'll really come in handy when your older, learning how to give people your phone number whilst drunk."

NESSQUOTE

"*Thump, thump*"

AIDS was Freddie's Kyptonite.

Macropharges are often the first cells to find foreign pickles.

"It vibrates whenever I go near it" - Mr Farqharson.

*During PE Theory (with the Sex and the contraceptives etc...)*
Chris: "You know, everyone's going to throw the word "sex" in at every possible opportunity now. They're so childish, don't you think?"

Jenny: "Sex."

MIKEY!! would make an absolutely FANTASTIC babysitter. He told me a bed-time story about how the first ducks mated...yes. I did go to bed at 3 O'clock this afternoon.

*After discussing penises, thus talking about bananas in that context...I'm not being lame here.*

Jenny: "Bananas are everywhere."
Chris: "You'd know."
Jenny: "Yes. I can usually tell the difference between a man and a woman."
Chris: "Touche"
Jenny: "Anyway...bananas are everywhere. There's one sitting between us right now!!"
Flick: "Man, woman or banana?"
Jenny: "All of the above."

*Labelling diagrams in PE Theory*
Female student: "What's that tube called?"
Ms. Hingston: "That's called a penis."

*Sitting in the library, Toilet Guy comes up to get a book off a shelf less than a metre away*
Jenny: "So, do you think Toilet Guy's hot?"
Flick: "Hmm, yeah. He's doable."

Jenny: "Very much so."

(Note: Toilet-Guy would've heard all of that, but he had no idea who we were talking about, that's why it's funny.)

We have a new person to add to the "Other Guy, Toilet Guy/Food Dude" list. Caity and I were walking past this pidgeon...there was a boy eating a banana gazing at it intently. From that, we have established the new stalkee thing of BANANA BIRD KID!!! (Waaant suuun protection, it's 30+, it lasts for hours....etc)

Chris: "Is plutonic the friendly one or the more than friendly one?"
Jenny: "Friendly love. Remember, Jenny rhymes with plutonic."
Flick: "*Very very very very lengthy pause* No it doesn't."

"OH MY GOD!!! IT'S [Stalkee Von Stalkee]..."

*Everyone within a 10 metre radius looks at Jenny*
"Oh fuck...do you think he heard?"

"Cunt Dracula. I want to suck you."

Once upon a time, there was a FRECKLE SHAPE EXPLOO!! This accidental speech-typo was so funny that on the way up the stairs, Flick fell over and grabbed the nearest thing possible...

"YOU TOUCHED MY BUM!!!" yelled Jenny.
A bunch of Year 11's came walking around the corner. Including Toilet Guy/Food dude. They all looked at Jenny as if she was weird or something...

NESS QUOTE!!

"That's almost as weird as a drugful of condoms."

Too Brilliant To Describe

I would like to make it clear that the name of this post refers to the sound I made when I saw Abel's haircut, it has nothing to do with the contents in this post, although it may be fairly awesome depending on how easy you are to make laugh. Thank you for reading this paragraph up to this point. You can stop reading now. I said, you can stop reading now!! STOP READING!! GO ON WITH THE REST OF THE POST ALREADY YOU ODDBALL YOU! Gosh, some people...you tell them to stop reading and they just keep on reading. Hmph.

Chris: "Next time someone asks me something, I'm going to respond 'Egg and chips' not matter what the question is."
Jenny: "What turns you on?"
Chris: "...I knew you'd do something like"

*Talking about a story we had to write in English based on things we like doing*
Jenny: "I like doing many things, caucasians, asians..."
Flick *interrupting*: WINDOWS!!!

After being told off by Flick and I for not showing his love for people more openly, Chris finally breaks under the pressure: "I LOVE YOU AND I LOVE YOU AND I LOVE YOU! I LOVE EVERYONE! I'M A LOVE FAIRY! SHOWING MY LOVE FOR EVERYONE!"
Needless to say, we found it immensely amusing.

"PUSSIES use razor blades. Real men use machetes" - Trent on Emos.

Chris: "Are you suggesting I would engage in sexual activity with Trent Neilson for your enjoyment?"
Jenny: "Yeah! Why else?"
Chris: "...for his entertainment?"

"Excuse me, but HER BUM IS BIG!" - Mrs. Raby.

I spoke to Sophie today. She reads these things every now and then. She's groovy.

"Woah, one-third of everyone here is male..." - Onlooker, making a profound observation.

*Jenny kicks 'Mark'*
Mr Mac: "Jenny!"
Jenny: "I didn't hurt him..."
Mr Mac: "Doesn't matter, there are other ways to communicate to boys!"
Jenny: "NOT THAT ONE!"

Chris: "I don't think often."
Jenny: "Of course not, you're a man...boy...MAN-LY boy."
Chris: "AM NOT!! I'M A KNIGHT'S BOY!!"
(*shakes head sadly*)

Jenny: "Hey look! It's Mr Farquison."
Mooy: "Did you just say 'fuck my son'?
Jenny: "He's your son too!!"
Mooy: "YOU DIDN'T TELL ME THERE WAS A BOY!"
Jenny: "There are three of them! I'm sure one of them would be."
Mooy and Dwyer in unison: "Not necessarily."
(There Chris. I did the full-length version. Happy? HAPPY?!)

"Your hair smells like warm." - Onlooker, showing off his awesome-mad English-speaking skills.

NESS QUOTES!!

"My Dad's going blind...it's hilarious."

Go back to the computer!

I was watching an absolutely...HORRENDOUS movie the other day. Examples of the horridness are as follows:

Bad Guy: "I demand a joust. To the death!!"
Good Guy: "Wouldn't you rather a game of chess?"
Neutral Guy: "Chess? To the death?!"

"Remember Robot, I can turn you off as fast as she can turn you on!"

*Shakes head sadly* horrible...

MIKEY IS THE MOST AWESOME PERSON IN THE WHOLE ENTIRE UNIVERSE THING!!

Mikey: "I need to get to Charlestown"
Jenny: "Don't you live just down there...?"
Mikey: "Yes. But I need to get to Charlestown."
Jenny: "Why?"
Mikey: "TO BUY SHOES!!!"
Jenny: "haha why?"
Mikey: "COZ THEY'RE HALF PRICE!!!"

QUOTES FROM SHOPPING WITH CAITY!! (Yes. That's right...I DO TEENAGE GIRLY THINGS SOMETIMES!!!)

Jenny: "DON'T LOOK AT ME!!!"
*Random Red-head sitting nearby looks at me, sees me looking at her and turns away quickly*

*Whilst watching The Dark Knight*
Jenny: "Woah! He killed that guy in such an imaginative way!!"
*Caity looks at Jenny like she's some sort of murderous fiend*

Caity: "Why are all these people drinking drinks from Wendy's?"
Random Dude: "COZ THEY'RE AWESOME!"

Did the juice bottle used to contain orange juice? Or apple juice? I guess we'll never know...

NESS QUOTES!!

"I wanted to have a nice relaxing bath and so I did this thing with the washers...I almost drowned myself."

"I'm an idiot. I just nodded on the phone."

To Diva! *Hand movement not similiar to batman* (Whatever that means)

Jenny: "So what do you want to eat?"
Emily: "I feel like a sandwich"
Jenny: "You don't look like one" (I say that all the time...I LOVE YOU EMILY FOR BEING THE FIRST PERSON TO EVER LAUGH AT IT!!!!)

*In a jewellery shop, Jenny's playing with long earrings and necklaces etc*
Jenny: "I like playing with dangly things..."
*Emily bursts into laughter*
Jenny: "Oh come on!! That doesn't work!! THEY wouldn't be dangly if I was playing with them!!"

*Emily flicks Sprite onto the ground with her straw*
Emily: "Look! It's my drops!"
*Jenny flicks own straw*
Jenny: "Ha! I have more drops than you!!"
Emily: "Yeah well...mine was the original, you just copied!!"

Vampire Cat

"I thought it was skipping...then I realised it wasn't a CD" - Chris whilst listening to my MP3 Player.

"How do you spell Nirvana?" - Amy

PM Fights are awesome.

Amy: "Choose a number between 6 and 7"
*Everyone guesses random irrational numbers*
Amy: "8! Duh! 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 8, 7."

"It would be pretty embarrassing if any boys in here had ovaries" - Mr Farqharson.

Chris likes G6...IN GERMAN!!

"Have you ever looked between your legs and seen Jake's head floating there?"

Has anyone else noticed the lack of clouds recently? My theory is that the clouds are conspiring somewhere, deciding how best to destroy humanity.

BEWARE OF THE CLOUDS PEOPLE!!! BEWARE OF THE CLOUDS!!!

Jenny: "Doesn't he look funny? *points to Chris*"
Trent: "No, he looks like Chris."

NESS QUOTE

"Leonardo Di Caprio and Euan McGregor look similiar because one has a mole and one doesn't."

"Platonic? You nuclear bomb people because you like them?!"

My ear attracts books.

On the same English story mentioned in an earlier post:
Mr Grogan: "Why kidnap someone and give them extra arms?"
Jenny: "Why not?"
*Mr Grogan chuckles*: "Why not indeed..."

You learn a lot about people in German class, I mean who knew that Sam wanted to marry Max and have 21 children, that Keiran wanted to be a sheep, Saxon wanted to make arms or that Geordie wanted a sex change?

Of course we all knew that Trent wanted to become Chris.

Mooy: "I just groped Jenny"
Amy: "We've all been there"

Jenny: "What's yellow and very dangerous? A BANANA WITH A MACHINE GUN!!"
*Dad looks at Mum*: "This is all your fault. You should never have slept with me."

Mrs Noonan: "We had a security guard in Uganda that we paid to protect us...he was arrested for rape."

I love those cheeky people who made such a commotion in Assembly the other day by pulling the chairs out from the girls sitting in front of them.

GO ME! ... not that I...had ANYTHING...to do with it of course... =D believe me?

NESS QUOTE

Ness: "Can you play House of the Rising Sun on the piano?"
Me: "Yeah"
Ness: "AWESOME! PLAY IT NOW!"
Me: "...on what?"
Ness: "Ooh yeah, there isn't a piano in the middle of a corridor is there?"

I wonder if she says these things deliberately...

Glitter Fight

Amanda: "That's a good story, Jenny. You're going to be a great novelist when you grow up."
Mr Grogan: "Don't encourage her!"

Flick: "Aww...you made The Chrissie cry."
Chris: "The Who?"
Jenny (I didn't hear what Flick said): "The Who is awesome! Roger Daltrey has SUCH a manly voice and he's not too bad looking for an old man. I'd do him. I would do him..."
*Flick and Chris look at each other...then pat Jenny on the shoulder in a "We forgive you for being crazy" kind of way.*

Mr Farqharson: Epetesterone can cause men to go bald if there's too much of it"
Kelby (The one who shaved her hair off for the World's Greatest Shave): YEAH!! BALDNESS!!
Mr Farqharson: "You may want to go home and look in the mirror because I'm pretty sure you don't have testes."

Mr Farqharson: "If you're walking around and you meet an escaped Tiger who is very hungry, you will release adrenalin"
Jenny: If it were Chris, he'd release something else...IN HIS PANTS!" (Not cream.)

"Why are you so shiny, Jenny? I keep looking up and you dazzle me." - Mrs. Raby

Some kid in my German class: I cut my finger on the chair.
Mrs Raby: Go get some water to put on it and if you bleed to death on the way there, let me know.

Blue Sticker

DEATH TO OTHER ORGANISMS!!

"This texta tastes like cherries." - Joe...on tasting his pen.

I'm being stalked by Onlooker...who'd've thought?

"I'd hit that.....with a truck!" - Brendon on Chris. Brendon has no taste. (Ahahaha sorry Dani.)

"My pencil case and crotch are out of bounds" - Chris

Kangaroos?

"Do you want a piece of paper with dicks or without?"

"Is your cervical feeling immunised?"

Wanted: Anyone willing to join Emily and Jenny's Singing Yoga Class with BONUS!! Throwing Fridges at People.

"They don't teach Latin in school anymore do they?" - Mr. Perkins our "new" history teacher, he knows a lot about the subject what with having lived through it and all.

My name is 'Elga, I am from Switzerland. I am a Swiss. I like chocolate, and doing the splits.

"Closing" Sophie's locker is good fun.

NESS QUOTE

"Your parents look alike"

(For the many of you who have never seen my parents, my father is tall, thinnish with grey hair and a bald patch that is rapidly growing. Mum is short, plump with dark hair that goes to past her shoulders.)

The Twin Peaks of Womanhood.

No, I am not a lesbian. Nor am I an Australian Playwright. *Shudder*

Jenny: *stares at Flick* Meeeeeeeeeeeeelons. (She giggled loudly when I said bananas, I was trying out different fruit)
Amy: Yes Jenny. Girls have melons.
Jenny: I don't, I have boobs. Hey! Wouldn't that be cool? If boobs were actually watermelons or something. If you got really hungry you wouldn't starve.
*Amy and Flick just stare*

Girl 1 from Play: Do you get food orgasms? Sometimes I get really food horny and then when I have the food I get a food orgasm. Do you get that?
Girl 2 from Play: No. I just like the taste.

Caity and I were playing Schtalkie Von Schtalk's "Stalking" Game again today, we got quite daring and even followed Mr Muddle! He heard us giggling and turned around a few times to look at us as if we were weird or something...

Michael now feels famous.

Mooy looks like a piglet, if everyone was stranded on a desert island they'd eat Mooy because he looks like he'd taste of ham.

Did you hear about the butcher who reversed into a meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work.

What do you call a gay dinosaur? Mega-sore-ass.

I tried writing with a blunt pencil but I couldn't see the point.

Did you hear about the man who had his whole left side cut off? He's alright now.

"I don't have genitals" - Hosford

Brandon and Flick were pushing the desk in Science back and forth for some reason. I got glared at when I started cheering the girl-on-girl action on.

NESS QUOTES
"Did you know it's illegal for girls to pull their shirts over their heads, even if they're wearing a singlet, and run around like aeroplanes?"

Ness was jumping randomly in the canteen line.
Jenny: What are you doing?
Ness: Reaching for the chocolate on the fridge.

More Nakedness

Jenny: Why are they walking around in their underwear?
Emily: Because they're sluts.
Jenny: Why don't they go into a bathrom to put some clothes on?
Emily: Because they're sluts.
Jenny: Why did that man just give them money?
Emily: ...do you REALLY need me to answer that one?

"You have asian on your face"

I was being stalked by a window today. Everytime I turned my back on it (I was sitting on the windowsill in maths...wait...why? That's odd...) it would rattle. BUT THERE WAS NOTHING TO CAUSE THE RATTLE!

Jenny randomly bursts into spouts laughter. Caity looks up from her sandwich...
Caity: What?
Jenny: Come in and see the good good good guys, pay cash and we'll slash the prices...
Caity gives Jenny a look.

Jenny: Ow! My maths book just elbowed me in the chin!
Flick: Since when has a maths book had elbows?
Jenny: ...go dye your hair.

"Hehe, the birds are flying in a V shape, but it's not a V. It's more like an M squiggly shape" - That blonde chick.

Bobble headed people with straws in the front row.

It's been a year since this time last year, and I've been thinking about science class an awful lot, so here it is folks, RANDOM QUOTES (that might not be quoted perfectly rightly because it has been a year or so!) FROM SCIENCE CLASS LAST YEAR!

Jenny: I really like that jumper, Mr Patrick. I think it's cool.
Mr Patrick: Thank you Jenny. It's not cool though. It's actually quite warm.
*Jenny looks blankly whilst Chris cracks up*
Chris in an undertone to Jenny: He made a joke...

Jenny stole Chris' pens and after struggling to get them back for a while, he gives up and dobs.

Chris: Mr Patrick, Jenny won't give me my pens!
Jenny: They're my pens! Chris was mistreating them.
Mr Patrick: Jenny, give Chris the pens. Chris, don't mistreat Jenny's pens.

I find that amusing because:
a) Chris is the more trustworthy of the two of us but Mr Patrick believed me
and
2) HOW THE HELL DO YOU MISTREAT A PEN IN THE MIDDLE OF A SCIENCE CLASS?!

*Chris sneezes*
Jenny: Bless you.
Mr Patrick: No talking in class! *Writes Jenny's name on the board*
Chris: I hope you learnt your lesson Jenny. No common courtesy in Science Class.

And until this day, I always slap myself for being commonly courtesyfilled in Science Class.

PRESENT DAY SCIENCE CLASS

Jenny: What's his name?
Chris: Who?
Jenny: Mackenzie. *lengthy pause* Never mind.

Chris' Mosquito Repellent:
If potassium explodes in water and bananas contain a lot of potassium, then if you put a banana in water, wouldn't that explode?
We know that mosquitoes are attracted to people who have recently eaten a banana, therefore wouldn't it be fair to say that mosquitoes are attracted to bananas?
So, if you put a banana on a stick, and put glue on the banana on the stick and carried it around with you all day. The mosquitoes would be attracted to the banana and get stuck on the glue.
If you were to then throw the banana in a bucket of water, then the banana with the mosquitoes stuck on it would explode.

"Ow! I'm ok. And by that I mean I'm insane."