Patrick, The Butterfly Head.

It has been an awfully long time between posts and I apologise. I haven't been seeing the more humorous of my friendlies these holidays and the ones I have seen I haven't written down the funny things they say (or in Sophie's case, her funnies... not that I've seen Sophie these holidays. Hmph.) So anyway... here's The Mou.

Jenny *After watching a Ronald McDonald teach children fire safety on an ad*: "Whats our fire escape plan?"
Mum: "Depends where the fire is. Jump out the nearest window."

Trent: "Who sleeps on their roofs? I don't sleep on my roof. You don't sleep on your roof. Who sleeps on their roof?"
Jenny: "Possums."
Trent: "Who stabs possums?"

I had three...lovely (sarcasm)...dear (more sarcasm)... little (no sarcasm)... children staying with me for a few days these holidays. They broke a coffee table and a little toy bus that had survived my brother and I, they woke me up EVERY morning by screaming, they threw tantrums, they attacked me in public places (One of them was trying to drag me into a toilet saying "I'm going to take you into the toilet, I'm going to flush you down the toilet."), they're stupid, rude and just all round horrible.

Examples:
Daniel (4): "What's 30 + 100?"
Jenny: "130"
Daniel: "There's no such number! *Kicks me, because I'm giving him a piggy back at the time.*

As soon as Mikayla (2) got to our house, she ran straight for the cat, Adelaide (6, in cat years 42) and began "patting" her. As hard as she could. She was hitting my cat. MY cat! By the end of our visit Mikayla didn't know that cat's go "Meow" she thought they went "Hisssss!". She even had a hand action to go with it. Isn't. That. Just. Cute.

One of my Aunts: "Here, James. Try some Avocado Dip. Phil makes this from scratch!"
James (7): "NO! It looks like green spew!" And then he continued to run around the house.

The visit of these children prompted my father to have a Father to Daughter talk to me.

"I'm not a children person, and I don't think you are either. If you ever do decide to have children, only have one. Because the second child is so much harder."

Thanks Dad. I'm YOUR second child.

For all of those who find my father funny, check out his "hip, down and groovy with it FB (Facebook)" page. He's very proud of having a number of friends in the double digit column.
http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/profile.php?id=1238684996&ref=nf

I, personally, think my mother is a much more humorous.

Jenny: "Are collar bones usually so prominent? *Gesturing to my own*"
Mum: "Only in someone Anorexic."
Jenny: "... Thanks Mum."

In the order I wrote it all down in...

Emily: "Did you know cats are less likely to get tick paralysis because they groom themselves?"
Jenny: "Haha, sucks to be a dog."

Emily: "It doesn't look like much."
Jenny: "You don't look like much."
Emily: "But I pack quite a punch."

Emily: "You're older than me, you'll die first. Especially if you get run over by someone who looks like your friends."
Jenny: "Yeah, especially if it looks like one of my friends who has cancer but really wants to outlive me."
Emily: "So, if I get cancer, beware."

Jenny: "What's the plural for moose?"
Mrs Raby: "Meese."
Jenny: "No, that can't be right. Look! There's a herd of meese! It just doesn't sound right."
Millie: "Argh! There's a herd of mooses trampling me!"

"Sodomy's a word? I thought you made it up... What does it mean?" - Sophie (we didn't explain it to her).

The other day I was collecting all the spare 5c and 10c coins that I could to get $6 to pay someone back for something they bought me, but in the most annoying way possible because they have been a real jerk. For any of the clever people who realise that by doing this, I'm actually being a jerk, I would like you to note that I'm doing it in a really creative way! =D Unlike them...jerk.

I would also like to publically thank those who gave their shrapnel for such a good cause. Special mention for Laura, who donated $1.10 (you really need to count your money more often).

Jenny *trying to scab money of Mrs Raby*: "What if I told you my cat was sick?"
Mrs Raby: "Then I'd say kill it and eat it."

Mrs Bro gave me 10c! ...I lied about what it was for, but still! Mrs Bro is nice.

Jenny: "The people I stalk always seem to leave school."
*Guy I'm talking to cracks up*
Jenny: "I mean as Year 12's!"

To get back at the Geography faculty for letting Mr Perkins be in charge of Year 10 Geography... I stole a clipboard. All those who agree with me, please, do NOT hand your clipboards back.

That'll teach 'em! (Shame on everyone who has already given theirs back)

Dougy: "The train from Chippendin to Frankston's free."
Mum: "Hahaha, not technically darling."
Dougy: "There's no where to buy a ticket! Where are you supposed to buy a ticket?! The imaginary ticket man?!"
Dad: "You can only get imaginary tickets from the imaginary ticket man, don't be silly."

I would like to wish everyone a very Happy Easter! May your mouths be absolutely covered in chocolate.
And I hope that Amanda and Millie have a great Easter despite their chocolate intolerance. For, we must remember. Easter is not just about the chocolate. It is also about the Easter Bilby.

On a serious note, bilbies are endangered animals and you should donate money so they become not endangered, magically, through the proceeds, somehow.