Easy Motto

I can make people want to kill me then themselves. Wanna see how?
What do you call a really sweet person from Cuba?
A SUGAR-CUBAN!!

*Throwing insults at one another*
Cole: "Boobs" *points*
Jenn: "Penis"
Cole: "Nah-ah."

Trent: "What are you looking for, Chris?"
Jenny: "His virginity."

Jenny: "You're so gay!! I LOVE YOU!!"
Chris: "...That's a sentence you don't hear everyday."
Jenny: "Really? I seem to say it a lot..."

"Are you circumsized?"
Tory: "Yeah, it's all natural."

An example of Mrs. Bro's German Speaking Skills:
Studenten ein neuf, neufty-neuf.
Starten anywheren
but at enden
Given me answeren.
Worken Togetheren!!

MIKEY!!: "We were watching you in Physics...you were hugging trees."
Jenny: "...No we weren't."
MIKEY!!: "You mean, there were no trees involved?"
Jenny: "No..."
MIKEY!!: "THERE WERE NO TREES INVOLVED?!?!?!"
Jenny: "No..."
MIKEY!!: "Oh, ok."

Jenny: "Mr Grogan!! What are you wearing?!"
Mr Grogan: "A jacket."
Jenny: "But...but...you look presentable. You can't change your usual attire without giving us some sort of warning!!

Give Me Freddie's Body

Jenny: "It's Cole!!" *Waves to him*
Mrs Raby: "Well put a jumper on then."

I have an abusive boyfriend. Well, I don't. It's just less embarrassing than what really happened... I walked into a door.

Mikey: "Please laugh more."

Nat: "Hahahaha Mr B's a goat. Baaaa"

"Don't stand on my cup." - Ms. Hingston.

"I can see up his nose!!"

Jenny: "I want a ride in MIKEY!!'s boat."
Nina: "I want to smell MIKEY!!'s boat."

Cole turned Asian (Japanese).

*Jenny and Nina talking about bumsex*
MIKEY!!: "What? I only heard the front of that."

Spot. The Tiger.

Jenny: "Stop looking at me!!"
Mrs Raby: "I'm not!"
Jenny: "YOU'RE DOING IT RIGHT NOW!!!"

*Playing Charades, Amy's thingy was 'In The Navy'*
Jenny: "Don't use my brother as an example."
Emily: "Gay?"

Jenny: "My parents have been married 23 years this year. They're so old. Sorry [Millie's Mum]!"
Emily: "Why'd you say sorry?"
Jenny: "Because she is old."

Pringles is a funny word.

We've got the biggest...BALLS OF THEM ALL!!!

"Trans-gender operation...we all want one." - Mr Grogan

Is there anything more awesome than a MIKIE!! Jenny and Toyboy sandwich? (Yes I know there is. A Jenny, Jenny and Jenny sandwich would indeed be more awesome)

"A strawberry lamington is like red licquorice. It's just not licquorice!" - Hugh

Amy: "You've got to TAKE IT BY THE BALLS" *Makes hand gesture of grabbing -something-*
Jenny: "The chance or him?"
Amy: "BOTH!!!"

Jenny: "So where is everyone?"
Mum: "Your Father's upstairs and Jennifer's in bed...I don't know why I said that. Douglas is at work."

Jenny: "It's not fair. Everyone wants to rape Chris. No one wants to rape me..."
MIKEY!!: "That's just because he has a face that's just screaming 'Please rape me'"

Good news everyone! HE DOESN'T SOUND LIKE A GOAT AFTER ALL!! Yay.

"I've done more thrusting today than I usually do in a month." - Jenny, whilst at Amy's house. DUN DUN DUUUUUUUN.

Please, give generously to those who drink Macdonald's Sprite and then go insane and start waltzing and can-can-ing to ACDC.

WOOT FREE HANDOUTS!!

Ich habe sieben Schtalkees. (I have seven stalkees.)

Tom Tom the piper's son, stole a pig and away he ran. The pig was eat and Tom was beat and he ran crying down the street.


"Turning singles into Queens!"


Never, ever try a Piggy-front. It looks far too suss... Yes, I speak from experience.

Also, never bite anyone's ankle (or jackets). They tend to think it's weird...


"Hehe, Chris...it's looking at you." - Jenny, whilst waving a sheep (or horses) eyeball in his face.


BANANA BIRD KID'S NAME IS PETER!!

Now to figure out the name of The Guy Who Never Smiles Except The One Time He Laughed And When He Smiles. Then I'll know all the names of my Stalkees.


Jenny: "Penguin. Come with me."
Random Year 8: "Haha, it's ok Matt. Just pretend it's Jenny."
Jenny: "...How did you know my name?" (Second time I've said that in two days... I'm quite well-known)
Random Year 8: "That IS Jenny? Hahahahaha..."


Max: "Come here everyone! Jenny's talking dirty."
Jenny: "Dirty? I'll talk dirty alright. Mud, dirt...baaaaaad thiiiiings."

BACK-FAT BUDDIES!!

"Making someone waddle like a penguin is like having sex with them." - Max

"I heard that Montgomery the Lamington Judge is having an affair with a lady who likes JENNY ...jenly...JELLY LAMINGTONS!!" - Rumaden the Strong (as an ant) Man.

NESSQUOTE

"I can't spell even in my dreams. I was spelling the country Baha, B-A-K-A."

Three Lightbulbs and a Goldfish.

"DON'T JUST SIT THERE LIKE A BUNCH OF MUSHROOMS!! I've seen sparkier people in Night of the Living Dead" - Mr Farqharson, the only man to own an entire class.

Chris stole all my own personal quotes, so be sure to check his bloggy thingy outty, www.pmgtehsledgehammer.blogspot.com (Then you'll see how lucky you are to read THE MOU!! WOOT JENNY'S BLOGGY THINGY!!!)

I killed Death Metal.

Bianca: "Have you had bumsex?"
Jenny: "...Not that I'm aware of."

Bianca: "Are you sure?"

Jenny: "I would hope so. What do you know that I don't?"

Bianca: "Nothing. I was just asking."

There was a bird in my house this afternoon, only Mum, the cat and I were home. Guess who is the only one who's not afraid of birds? If you said the cat...you were wrong. (It was me).

Mr Perkins: "Osama Bin Ladin was the democratic candidate..."

Student: "...Don't you mean Barack Obama?"

Mr Perkins: "Oooooh! *Turns red and buries himself in his knees.* Slip of the tongue!!"

NESS QUOTE ... WITH A TWIST!!

Emily: "Big bird. Half Emu, half Canary and one Duck."

Ness: "...That makes 1 and a half."

Train stations don't have doors.

DUCKS DO HAVE SEX!! THE QUESTION HAS BEEN ANSWERED!! I EVEN KNOW WHERE THE DUCKS PENIS IS KEPT!!

Why didn't I ask a Science teacher earlier?

Laura: "I'm OCD. I'm having hallucinations about my obsessions."
Jenny: "That just means you're obsessed...wait, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder...riiiight."

"I broke my glasses after walking into a No Stopping sign." - Elyse.

Jenny: "I thought Helen was nice!"
Nina: "She is nice. Just in a very violent way."

"I'd hug your legs but they're hairy." - Amy, on hugging Chris' legs.

Jenny: "Dwyer! You're a prick."
Mr Farqharson: "We don't use words like that in Science!"
Jenny: "Alright. You're a penis then!"
Mr Farqharson: "That's fine."

"I really need to stop hanging out with you people. I end up getting ridden and fagging people!" - Toyboy.

Mrs Raby: "To get cheap travel insurance you could go somewhere..."
Some kid: "Fiji!!"

Jenny: "No more graphs on the white board or feel Mrs Raby's WRATH!"
Sam (Duncan, not Chris): "Did you say rack?"

Jenny: "You rang my Mother up while she was teaching a class."
Mrs Raby: "She shouldn't have had her phone on. If you turn it on, it's going to ring."
Jenny: "Not for my Mum."

"Do you want to make a baby without making a baby?" - Trent, with the best pick up line ever.

Mr Farqharson: "Chris isn't as innocent as you may think. He DOES sit next to Jenny all the time."
Jenny: "I resent that!!"
Mr Farqharson: "Did you say you resemble that?"

"I don't want a baby coming out of my fucking vaginas!" - Dean, refusing to be pregnant for our history thing.

NESSQUOTE


"Not kidding. When I was younger I had a dream that my Dad was having surgery to take a plank of wood out of his stomach. It turns out it was just a real life Vasectomy."

"Who keeps diamonds inside goats?"

Hug-Rapist.

"I was just shitting in the pub when the tsunami hit." - Chris, performing in Drama.

"I'm just giving you all advice. If you want to say you have a hallway in your bedroom then fine. You do that." - Mrs Raby.

Jenny: "Saying actress, as opposed to actor, is politically incorrect."
Britney: "Not sexually."
Jenny: "...what?"

"Elyse, if your semen is blue you should really see a doctor...for more than one thing."

Hey look! It's an Emily and Flick mention!! Just for Emily. Feel special...feel special.

"If you forget your lines then you really shouldn't say 'Shit' or 'Fuck'." - Mr Grogan.

Toilet Guy is the new Other Guy!

Jenny: "Jacqui will be a great father one day."
Brittni: "She doen't have a penis."
Jenny: "...are you sure?"

"So it's like a shitting orgy." - Nina

Jenny: "So...I got your pen out of your pocket."
Toyboy: "That's not my pen."
Jenny: "...*blink blink*"

NESSQUOTE

"Did you know cocoa-cola is made from cola nuts?"

I stole chalk.

Millie: "When a dog gets neutered, it's whole personality changes."
Sophie: "Yeah, it becomes a cat."

"Having Amanda in your day brightens it up. I'm like the sun...but on earth." - Amanda.

Jenny: "...Are you biting my hair?"
Max: "Yes. Yes I am."

Stalkie Von Stalkee sounds like a goat. It's sad that I've been "stalking" him for so long and have never heard his voice properly until today...AND IT SOUNDS LIKE A GOATS VOICE!! (If a goat could speak...which I'm sure it can. It just doesn't want to talk to you.)

"I have two other bananas to fellate." - MIKEY!!

Mr Perkins: "How would women have changed after the war?"
Student: "They'd be more affectionate."
Mr Perkins: "Let's leave sex out of this please."

"Get your weenus out of my ribs!" - Nina.

Jenny: "Do you like Queen?"
Mr Perkins: "No, I'm an Elton John man myself." (This I took as an admission to being LIKE Elton John. As in, homosexual.)

Mr Perkins: "She's a pretty little thing. Oooh, I shouldn't've said that."
*People in hearing shot laugh*

Nina: "It's not everyday you get a woman to sit on your lap for free, Mikey."
Jenny: "It's not free! I'll give him the bill before I get off."
*Nina sniggers*

NESSNESS (As in, Vanessaness.)

Ness and I were going to go the movies on Saturday, but unfortunately, the movie Ness wanted to view DOESN'T EXIST!!!

Please, give generously to those in need. Like Ness.

Kumquat Trees

Have you ever spent 10 minutes ringing the doorbell of a house at 8.00 in the morning before you realise you're at the wrong house? No? Just me then...

"You should never be on the bottom of a man pile...ever." - Stick

Jenny: "Yeah, I'm just like one of the boys. Except I'm a girl..."
Mooy: "No. Tomgirl, Jenny. Tomgirl...boy."

I LOVE AMANDA!!! I linked her "The Mou" and she said that she'd laughed so hard she had tears in her eyes. Do any of YOU get tears in your eyes when you read it? (I mean tears of laughter...) HMM?? Thank you Amanda. Thank you.

Jenny: "That's why you love me...no, I say that too often. That's why you adore me...no...what's that other A word?"
Onlooker: "Ass"
Jenny: "I meant something that meant love...although 'I ass you' does have a nice ring to it."
(Extra Funniess about above: Ass, Donkey, Female Donkey, Jenny. Ring, Bell...geddit? IT'S LIKE THE DIVINCI CODE!!)

Michael: "Why do you never quote me?"
Jenny: "Coz you never say anything funny."
(HAPPY?! You should be...you should be.)

Excerpt of a conversation Dwyer overheard between Mooy & Jenny:
"That's not that big. My boyfriends is bigger."
It made him turn red and fall off his chair. Funnily enough, it wasn't actually what he thought...but it was related. YEAH! GO FIGURE THAT ONE OUT!!

NESS QUOTE

"Damnit, all these poles are square. Why does no one have any round poles anymore?!"

Reproducing Balloons

Jenny: "Derek. He's awesome!"
Flick: "Yeah. Let's call him DD for short" (DD as in the sound D not the actually letter D. So it's not deedee, it's dd.)
Jenny: "...how would you spell that?"
Flick: "Doubly...doubly doo."

NEW THEORIES ON DUCK MATING!!

Flick: "Do they lay eggs?"
Jenny: "Hmm...maybe. But would they have to get laid before they lay eggs?"

Have you heard the joke about the peanut butter? No? Oh well...it must'nt've spread yet.

Jenny: "I'm talking to an inanimate object."
Flick: "Maybe it's animate."
Jenny: "Maybe it's animated."
Flick: "So it's an animated animate object."
Jenny: "It's a cartoon!!"
Flick: "Well it does have hair."
Jenny: "...you have hair. WOAH! You're a cartoon!"

"Don't make me duck slap you!! ha...it sounds like Turkey Slap."

*To the tune of Schnappy*

D D Derek, Derek, Derek, Derek. D D Derek, Derek, Derek Duck.

Flick: "Question 5 is 80. Just like me. It longs to be close to you."

THE BUMP CONVO!

How to make Blackened Death Metal, Chris Style! "Take a bar of iron, stab it so it's "death", char it so it's "blackened" ...Blackened Death Metal."

"The duck's hic-hipping!"

Jenny: "Don't manhandle him!"
Mackenzie: "He LIKES it... It is a he, right?"

"I have non-existant duck snot on my jumper." - Chris.

Chris got mad at a hand puppet...but not the owner of the hand.

Chris: "For the ducks safety, I'm going to count to 10 slowly..."
Flick: "Why? Can't you count fast?"

"I can't get over the fact you used a hand puppet to tell me I'm immature."

THERE SHOULD BE A MILLIE QUOTE HERE BUT I FORGOT IT!! SORRY MILLIE!!

Loser Panda

Jenny: "Old people think LOL means Lot's Of Love"
Emily: "Yeah, my Dad used to go "Bye Emily. LOL."

Mum: "So, did you have a nice birthday?"
Jenny: "Yeah!! And no pets died!!"
Mum: "Well, it's not over yet...and the cat has been annoying me a lot..."

Emily: "Jenny, why don't you like cake?"
Jenny: "It's a long story..."
Chris: "We've got time."
Jenny: "Ah. Well, I just don't like it."
Emily: "I'd love to hear her short stories!"


Mrs Raby: "So are you two partners?"
Jenny: "Sorry Millie...you're not my type."

*Performing Drama Thingy*
Mr. Grogan: "No, Jenny. Say it like this "Do you...get food orgasms?"
Jenny: *laughs* "Sorry...I'm not used to hearing teachers say that..."
Mr Grogan: "What? You think we've never heard of them?"

*Ness and Emily lying on the floor*
Emily: "It's so much more fun down here."

ADVICE FROM 'GREAT' AUNT LUCY!

"I'm going to give you some condoms. You never know when you need them."

"The biggest number of people I've kissed at one party is 7. Boys and girls in the mix. Good fun."

"You know what'll really come in handy when your older, learning how to give people your phone number whilst drunk."

NESSQUOTE

"*Thump, thump*"

AIDS was Freddie's Kyptonite.

Macropharges are often the first cells to find foreign pickles.

"It vibrates whenever I go near it" - Mr Farqharson.

*During PE Theory (with the Sex and the contraceptives etc...)*
Chris: "You know, everyone's going to throw the word "sex" in at every possible opportunity now. They're so childish, don't you think?"

Jenny: "Sex."

MIKEY!! would make an absolutely FANTASTIC babysitter. He told me a bed-time story about how the first ducks mated...yes. I did go to bed at 3 O'clock this afternoon.

*After discussing penises, thus talking about bananas in that context...I'm not being lame here.*

Jenny: "Bananas are everywhere."
Chris: "You'd know."
Jenny: "Yes. I can usually tell the difference between a man and a woman."
Chris: "Touche"
Jenny: "Anyway...bananas are everywhere. There's one sitting between us right now!!"
Flick: "Man, woman or banana?"
Jenny: "All of the above."

*Labelling diagrams in PE Theory*
Female student: "What's that tube called?"
Ms. Hingston: "That's called a penis."

*Sitting in the library, Toilet Guy comes up to get a book off a shelf less than a metre away*
Jenny: "So, do you think Toilet Guy's hot?"
Flick: "Hmm, yeah. He's doable."

Jenny: "Very much so."

(Note: Toilet-Guy would've heard all of that, but he had no idea who we were talking about, that's why it's funny.)

We have a new person to add to the "Other Guy, Toilet Guy/Food Dude" list. Caity and I were walking past this pidgeon...there was a boy eating a banana gazing at it intently. From that, we have established the new stalkee thing of BANANA BIRD KID!!! (Waaant suuun protection, it's 30+, it lasts for hours....etc)

Chris: "Is plutonic the friendly one or the more than friendly one?"
Jenny: "Friendly love. Remember, Jenny rhymes with plutonic."
Flick: "*Very very very very lengthy pause* No it doesn't."

"OH MY GOD!!! IT'S [Stalkee Von Stalkee]..."

*Everyone within a 10 metre radius looks at Jenny*
"Oh fuck...do you think he heard?"

"Cunt Dracula. I want to suck you."

Once upon a time, there was a FRECKLE SHAPE EXPLOO!! This accidental speech-typo was so funny that on the way up the stairs, Flick fell over and grabbed the nearest thing possible...

"YOU TOUCHED MY BUM!!!" yelled Jenny.
A bunch of Year 11's came walking around the corner. Including Toilet Guy/Food dude. They all looked at Jenny as if she was weird or something...

NESS QUOTE!!

"That's almost as weird as a drugful of condoms."