Get Your Filthy Hands Off My Sodomy

We have two families who we're friends with in Germany, some of you know Ariane who stayed with me for a while. Her father is a huge man with a gutteral Austrian accent. His car is a HUGE 4wd with an incredible sound system and he drives it incredibly fast. This man is the epitomy of manhood. What song was he playing on his incredible sound system at an ear shattering volume? A song entitled "The Last Unicorn.". He played it twice.

Jenny: "He keeps asking me if Ariane is hot."
Mrs Raby *James, the fat redheaded one*: "She wouldn't fancy you anyway!"

*After hearing the brand new computers had been stolen from the PDM rooms*
Jenny: "So either the cleaners left the door unlocked, or it's an inside job."
Mrs Greenland: "Yeah, I actually stole them.

Jenny: "Can I borrow your thumb drive please?"
Emily: "Sure, if you can turn this computer on."
Jenny: "Is it plugged in?"
Emily: "..."

Jenny *calling loudly to someone she's forgotten*: "The Church says that masturbation makes you blind!"
*Jenny notices a teacher standing very closely behind her*
Teacher: "How embarrassed are you right now?"

*Going to a fancy dress party. My brother was going as "Lambton"*
Mum: "How are we going to attach the sign to him?"
Jenny: "A stapler?"

Jenny: "Mrs Mackenzie, is it ok to have a German in the class?"
Mrs Mackenzie: "A what?!"

Jenny: "Everytime you look at me, Millie, I'm going to make a funny pose."
*Strikes a disco pose*
Frau Spaett: "Yes? You have a question?"

Frau Spaett *marking the roll*: "Trent?"
Trent: "Yes."
Frau Spaett: "Is Trent here?"
Jenny: "Yes, he is."
Frau Spaett: "Where?"
Jenny: "He's the one over there saying yes."
Frau Spaett: "Oh, of course."

Mrs Golder: "Russel, choose someone who hasn't been chosen to answer a question."
Russel: "Scott."
Scott: "I just did it."
Russel: "Oh ok. Jenny."
Jenny: "I did it after Scott."
Mrs Golder: "Have you been in class for the last ten minutes? You'd be great at a party. You'd be drunk already. Doesn't he look drunk?"

Mr Priestly *sick of stopping every two seconds to stop us talking*: "I'm going to develop a speech impediment soon!"
Jake (who has a speech impediment for those who don't know him): "Hey!"
Mr Priestly: "Not that that's a bad thing."

Who Gives A Swinebird?

I really am, deeply...truly...sincerely sorry that it took me so long to upload. I'm ashamed of myself, and all of you who didn't nag me nearly enough. Tsk tsk. (I'm joking, Emily...don't hurt me.)

*Whilst the idiots were eating deep fried ice cream*
Jenny: "I was talking to a guy today who tripped and accidentally put his arm in a deep frier."
Beau (friend of brother who happens to be a fireperson): "Was his arm covered with batter?"
Dougy: "That's a good idea! Whenever you go fight a fire, cover yourself in batter!!"

Millie: "Let's work now!"
Sophie *holding up a coin*: "Did you know these coins aren't valid in New Zealand anymore, but they're valid in Australia."
Emily: "...thanks Soph."
Jenny: "Why IS that?"
Millie: "SHUT UP JENNY!"
Sophie *whispers*: "They resized their coins in New Zealand."

Jenny: "My average body temperature is 34 degrees celsius."
Zooty: "You're like a lizard."

Mrs Walker: "Which atom is best? Carbon12, Carbon13 or Carbon14? The answer is Carbon12."
Fletcher: "Unless you're dating someone."
*Mrs Walker thinks intently (seriously, you can tell when she's thinking)*: "I don't need to know about your personal life."
Fletcher: "...I meant carbon dating."

Do you remember that turtle who died?

Mrs Raby: "I"m going to say your name and a word and you have to translate it to German. Ok?
Erin. Annoying."
*Everyone laughs*
Mrs Raby: "I didn't do it on purpose! What's your middle name, Jenny?"
Jenny: "Elizabeth... why?"
Mrs Raby: "I just met a woman named Jennifer Susan. That's my daughter's name too!"

Matt: "How do you spell 'Petri Dish'?"
*Mrs Walker writes on the board*: "Peti."

Caity: "What time does the bell go?"
Jenny: "Dunno."
*5 minutes later*
Jenny: "What time does the bell go?"
Caity *Without hesitation*: "20 to"

*Elective choices advice Angus + NOSE GUY!! style.*
Angus: "I know it's the last 10 minutes of the day so I'm going to get some audience participation going. Who here finds some subjects we study in maths pretty useless? I mean, when are you going to use Pythagora's Theorem in the future?"
NOSE GUY!!: "...We're using it next week for our trials."

Note to self: NOSE GUY!! has 6th Period free on a Tuesday.

The Did You Know Section...

Jenny: "Did you know... Only male birds can go "Twit" and only female birds can go "Twoo". They're actually in a duet together."
Mrs Golder: "What if it's bisexual?"

Geordie: "Did you know if you peel a banana taking the bottom thing off there won't be any string thing?"
Mrs Raby: "NO! DON'T DO THAT! YOU NEED A LITTLE HANDLE!"