Get Your Filthy Hands Off My Sodomy

We have two families who we're friends with in Germany, some of you know Ariane who stayed with me for a while. Her father is a huge man with a gutteral Austrian accent. His car is a HUGE 4wd with an incredible sound system and he drives it incredibly fast. This man is the epitomy of manhood. What song was he playing on his incredible sound system at an ear shattering volume? A song entitled "The Last Unicorn.". He played it twice.

Jenny: "He keeps asking me if Ariane is hot."
Mrs Raby *James, the fat redheaded one*: "She wouldn't fancy you anyway!"

*After hearing the brand new computers had been stolen from the PDM rooms*
Jenny: "So either the cleaners left the door unlocked, or it's an inside job."
Mrs Greenland: "Yeah, I actually stole them.

Jenny: "Can I borrow your thumb drive please?"
Emily: "Sure, if you can turn this computer on."
Jenny: "Is it plugged in?"
Emily: "..."

Jenny *calling loudly to someone she's forgotten*: "The Church says that masturbation makes you blind!"
*Jenny notices a teacher standing very closely behind her*
Teacher: "How embarrassed are you right now?"

*Going to a fancy dress party. My brother was going as "Lambton"*
Mum: "How are we going to attach the sign to him?"
Jenny: "A stapler?"

Jenny: "Mrs Mackenzie, is it ok to have a German in the class?"
Mrs Mackenzie: "A what?!"

Jenny: "Everytime you look at me, Millie, I'm going to make a funny pose."
*Strikes a disco pose*
Frau Spaett: "Yes? You have a question?"

Frau Spaett *marking the roll*: "Trent?"
Trent: "Yes."
Frau Spaett: "Is Trent here?"
Jenny: "Yes, he is."
Frau Spaett: "Where?"
Jenny: "He's the one over there saying yes."
Frau Spaett: "Oh, of course."

Mrs Golder: "Russel, choose someone who hasn't been chosen to answer a question."
Russel: "Scott."
Scott: "I just did it."
Russel: "Oh ok. Jenny."
Jenny: "I did it after Scott."
Mrs Golder: "Have you been in class for the last ten minutes? You'd be great at a party. You'd be drunk already. Doesn't he look drunk?"

Mr Priestly *sick of stopping every two seconds to stop us talking*: "I'm going to develop a speech impediment soon!"
Jake (who has a speech impediment for those who don't know him): "Hey!"
Mr Priestly: "Not that that's a bad thing."

Who Gives A Swinebird?

I really am, deeply...truly...sincerely sorry that it took me so long to upload. I'm ashamed of myself, and all of you who didn't nag me nearly enough. Tsk tsk. (I'm joking, Emily...don't hurt me.)

*Whilst the idiots were eating deep fried ice cream*
Jenny: "I was talking to a guy today who tripped and accidentally put his arm in a deep frier."
Beau (friend of brother who happens to be a fireperson): "Was his arm covered with batter?"
Dougy: "That's a good idea! Whenever you go fight a fire, cover yourself in batter!!"

Millie: "Let's work now!"
Sophie *holding up a coin*: "Did you know these coins aren't valid in New Zealand anymore, but they're valid in Australia."
Emily: "...thanks Soph."
Jenny: "Why IS that?"
Millie: "SHUT UP JENNY!"
Sophie *whispers*: "They resized their coins in New Zealand."

Jenny: "My average body temperature is 34 degrees celsius."
Zooty: "You're like a lizard."

Mrs Walker: "Which atom is best? Carbon12, Carbon13 or Carbon14? The answer is Carbon12."
Fletcher: "Unless you're dating someone."
*Mrs Walker thinks intently (seriously, you can tell when she's thinking)*: "I don't need to know about your personal life."
Fletcher: "...I meant carbon dating."

Do you remember that turtle who died?

Mrs Raby: "I"m going to say your name and a word and you have to translate it to German. Ok?
Erin. Annoying."
*Everyone laughs*
Mrs Raby: "I didn't do it on purpose! What's your middle name, Jenny?"
Jenny: "Elizabeth... why?"
Mrs Raby: "I just met a woman named Jennifer Susan. That's my daughter's name too!"

Matt: "How do you spell 'Petri Dish'?"
*Mrs Walker writes on the board*: "Peti."

Caity: "What time does the bell go?"
Jenny: "Dunno."
*5 minutes later*
Jenny: "What time does the bell go?"
Caity *Without hesitation*: "20 to"

*Elective choices advice Angus + NOSE GUY!! style.*
Angus: "I know it's the last 10 minutes of the day so I'm going to get some audience participation going. Who here finds some subjects we study in maths pretty useless? I mean, when are you going to use Pythagora's Theorem in the future?"
NOSE GUY!!: "...We're using it next week for our trials."

Note to self: NOSE GUY!! has 6th Period free on a Tuesday.

The Did You Know Section...

Jenny: "Did you know... Only male birds can go "Twit" and only female birds can go "Twoo". They're actually in a duet together."
Mrs Golder: "What if it's bisexual?"

Geordie: "Did you know if you peel a banana taking the bottom thing off there won't be any string thing?"
Mrs Raby: "NO! DON'T DO THAT! YOU NEED A LITTLE HANDLE!"

S.S. Merewether Milky

*After walking in the classroom and finding no one in the front row:*
Mrs Raby: "Why are you moving so far away from me? Back row, move here."
*Back row laughs*
Mrs Raby: "Haha, no I'm serious."
Jenny: "Are you really that lonely?"
Mrs Raby: "Loaded?"
...it'd explain a few things.

Mrs Scollay: "Kelby, use your calculator."
Kelby: "I didn't bring it."
Mrs Scollay: "If you go for a driving lesson, do you forget to take the car?"

Jenny: "Why are you wearing all that black."
Mrs Raby: "I'm turning Goth. I'm getting lots of piercings on the weekend."

"I know nothing about Chemistry. One thing I do know is not to teach it without the Mona Lisa of Science. My best friend... I don't have many friends... Second best! Calculator is my best friend." - Mrs Walker

*Mr Sajko sitting in a low chair...*
Mr Sajko: "Sitting in a chair like this gives you a whole new perspective of the world. *Looks straight at Jenny* I bet you're glad you're wearing trousers."

Mrs Walker: "Lithium is gorgeous. It's one of the most reactive of the metals."
Trent: "Don't all the metals in the left column?"
Mrs Walker: "Trent, you're gorgeous."
Stick: "You're in Trent!"

Jenny: "When does the bell go?"
Saxon: "Half an hour."
Millie: "What?!"
Saxon: "Wait, no... 10 minutes."

Mrs Raby: "Jenny, come and read your writing out."
Jenny: "In German?"
Mrs Raby: "...yes."
Jenny: "*Blah blah blah* ... Viele Gruesse, Yenny. I mean Jenny!"
(Note, in German you say J as a Y)

*Jenny covers up "The Mou"*
Millie: "It's ok. I can't read."

Mrs Raby: "You get hayfever from pollen, dust..."
Max: "Hay."
Jenny: "Even cats. Wait, no... that's cat allergy."

"No matter what we make. We've still made the same thing." - Mrs Walker. (I really hit my full stop button hard then...)

Mrs Raby: "[A member of staff] doesn't like exchanges. There's nothing I can do about it unless I put a bomb under her/his chair. Don't you dare repeat that! I will know!"

Yeah, that's right. "The Mou" tells you things that it's not actually supposed to.

Last post for a while. TREASURE THIS ONE WHILE YOU CAN!

I guess I should have told you to treasure it at the beginning...oops. Oh well. You'll live.

...for now.

Smell You Later

Jenny: "Where's Abu Dhabi?"
Mrs Raby: "Isn't that in Saudi Arabia? Why?" (It's not, it's in The United Arab Emirates)
Jenny: "Oh, I just asked because we're stopping over there on the way to France, Germany and England."
Mrs Raby: "The way you said that was funny."
Jenny: "You spent ages talking to Sam about where his SISTER goes and you don't care about me! I WANT ATTENTION! *Bangs hands on desk*"
Mrs Raby: "I hadn't noticed."

Mrs Golder: "You were talking!"
Stick: "What? No, I wasn't."
Mrs Golder: "You were sitting there talking to yourself!"

Mrs Raby: "DEAN! YOU'RE BACK! Every day you've been away I've called out your name so today I didn't and you're back!"
Max: "The crazy antics of this classroom, you wouldn't believe it."

Jenny: "Why were you laughing all throughout my speech?"
Emily: "I couldn't look at you for half of your speech because it was so out of character for you to use such big words. It wasn't you making that speech!"

Mrs Raby: "I'd never been behind the wheel of a car before the age of 23...oh, wait. Once. I drove my boyfriends car into the North Sea... He still talks to me. Anyway! You'd all catch buses if I was in charge of this country. AND! You'll all be speaking German!"

Emily: "My hands are shaking."
Jenny: "Mine aren't..."
Emily: "STOP THAT!"
Sophie: "Hahah yeah, stop not moving."

Mrs Scollay told everyone to be quiet during the test, but then when she came to my table she asked me how I was going. So... I wonder who Mrs Scollay's favourite is?

"...I feel really geeky talking about Neopets whilst solving a Rubix Cube." - Jenny, talking about Neopets whilst solving a rubix cube.

Jenny: "So how old was the naked lady you were drawing yesterday?"
Caity: "30 something..."
Mr Priestley joins in: "Does she get paid well?"
Caity: "She was there for 3 hours so probably."
Mr Priestley: "I'd want like $300, maybe $3000 if children were drawing me."
Rhiannon: "What about $10,000?"
Mr Priestley: "Hey, I'd stand up naked right now. Except...it'd be difficult to explain what that has to do with Urban Growth and Development."
*Jenny resists the urge to make a crude comment*

Jenny: "Oh, this is my stop."
Millie: "Good luck. I mean in avoiding all the rapists and stuff..."
Jenny: "The rapists from HSPA! *Looks at random Year 7 HSPA kid called James* You're going to grow up to be a rapist."
I really hope that that kid isn't the type of kid who takes career advice from strangers.

I was at the hospital the other day visiting a sick relative when this family wearing masks walk through the waiting room. The mother of the family says to the nurse "I'd like to see my holiday snaps now!" and then follows her family into a little door at the side of the room. My mother and I exchanged glances...
A little later on a nurse goes through the little door. As it swings open we hear a Doctor say "Yes, it is swine flu." and then the door closed again.

Yeah, I was standing thiiiiiiiiiis far away from people with Swine Flu. That makes me famous by association apparently! Woot!

Tanzanians On the Moon

Jenny: "We went to England when I was 3 and we'd been visiting so many relatives... One morning Dad sent me in to wake Dougy up, he said that we were going to see Big Ben. So, I ran in and jumped on Dougy's bed shouting "COME ON DOUGLAS! WE'RE GOING TO SEE UNCLE BIG BEN! My uncle, the clock."
Mrs Greenland: "We can see the family resemblance."

*We see some Ambulances at a traffic light*
Millie: "Hey! They know where the accident is."

Jenny: "...That is the accident."

Millie: "Oh! Right! They don't stop at traffic lights, they go straight through!"

Sophie: "Blue jumper, not jacket. There's a difference."
Jenny: "You're a difference."
Sophie: "Your face is a difference."
Emily and Millie in unison: "What?"

Millie: "There are only two answers to everything. 42 or Violence."
*Sophie whacks Millie*: "No! Violence is never the answer!"

Jenny: "Has -your- brother even stolen any of your clothes?"
Caity: "No, but he did brush his hair with my brush once. I sterilised it because I didn't want to brush my hair with red hair."

Trent: "Dean was in Ireland the other day."

Jenny: "How'd he get there?"
Trent: "I dunno... drove?"

*Jenny turns to Rhiannon*: "England and Ireland are completely separate right? How could someone drive there?"

Rhiannon: "Maybe there's a bridge?"

Mrs Golder: "What topic are we going to do?"

Fletcher *Quietly*: "History..."

Jenny: "Our Science test is in two weeks."
Stick: "Woah! When'd you find that out?"

Jenny: "She just said it then where there was a dog running around the classroom."

Stick: "...There was a dog running around the classroom?"

(Yes, there had been.)

Mrs Raby: "Doll Domination. That's a stupid name for a band!"

Sam: "It's the name of the Pussy Cat Doll Tour!"
Mrs Raby: "Oh...well... That's a stupid name for a tour too."

Keiran: "Ich gehe in die Stadt."
*Mrs Raby gasps*

Keiran: "What?! What'd I do?!"
Mrs Raby: "Nothing. I was looking at my pens, trying to decide which one to use."
*Class laughs*
Mrs Raby: "DON'T LAUGH AT ME! LAUGH WITH ME!!"

*Looking at three sentences on the board*
Some kid: "I agree with the first one and the last two."
Mrs Raby: "So you agree with all of them. What have I been doing for 3 years? That makes me sad. I won't sleep tonight."

Pierce-a-Tron

Jenny: "Is the actor who played Mr Brady dead?"
Mum: "Yes. He was gay."
Jenny: "...That doesn't necessarily mean he's dead."

Sophie and David Tennant are like best friends. Her old friend from primary school has a grandmother living in Scotland across the lake from David Tennant's grandmother!! How close are they?
What really is amazing is my Doctor Who obsessed pal Laura actually found that amazing and will track down Sophie's old primary school friend's grandmother's address, and post something to the little old lady who lives across the lake and ask her to get her grandson's autograph for a poor little Australian girl.

Mr Priestley: "We're going to watch a show that was on TV last night."
Sarah: "Is this the show that was on at the same time as that other show?"

Caity is not a slut.

Jenny: "Wow! You remembered your glasses today!"
Caity: "Yes, I remembered my glasses today. They're a bit dirty though. I think I need new ones."

"THE FIRES AND BRIMSTONE OF HELL! THE FIRES OF DEATH WILL COME FOR YOU!" - Mrs Golder (Talking about scaring Aboriginal children into believing in Christianity. Believe me?)

Jenny has a wonderful talent for guessing the colour of peoples underwear.

Jenny: "Can I marry your brother to get a red head kid one day?"
Caity: "I spose. My Mum has red hair but I don't think Dad would like it if you married her."

*After hearing the mention of the excursion*
Jenny: "When IS the excursion?"
Mrs Greenland, Millie and Emily altogether: "Tomorrow."
Jenny: "...Oh dear."

At 12.30 last night, my cat was running wildly up and down the house. I got out of bed to see what was wrong with her. She ran into the kitchen. I switched on the light and followed her. She was sitting in front of her dishes. I picked her up and moved her a centimetre closer so she would eat it. Once she began I tried to go back to bed but everytime I tried to move she would stop eating and look at me pathetically.
I think my cat is scared of the dark. This is funny because MY CAT CAN SEE IN THE DARK!!!

I got very good marks for my Geography test today. There are a few questions I'm surprised at getting full marks for.
For example:

Identify 4 negative impacts of the increasing urbanisation of Australia's coastline. (4 Marks)
Increased population means increased pollution and rubbish. It also means development which interferes with the natural order. People will go fishing and so the water will be overfished, then you must import more fish. Development will also ruin the serenity of Australia's beaches.

What does Photo 1 tell us about the history of Catherine Hill Bay? (2 marks)
Photo 1 shows a working Jetty with something on it I can't make out. If I could see it, I'm sure I could answer this question better.
It also has what appears to be a cart laden with coal. Showing Catherine Hill Bay used to be a mining town.

Go the Geography faculty for being easy on me!

I almost regret stealing their clipboard...

A rock is a chicken.

*Writing about an artist in PDM who takes photos of bridges and dogs*
Jenny: "Robert Billington was a merry old soul and a merry old soul was he. He called for a dog and a bridge and some puppies times three. He took some photos of Australian landmarks and then went to the WC."
Others: "WC?"
Jenny: "It was in another Old King Cole parody I read once. WC stands for Water Closet...toilet."
Sophie: "Where does the U come from?"

Jenny: "Nyet."
Mrs Raby: "Are you right? You're speaking Russian."

Jenny, talking to Zooty on the bus: "Actually a break up really makes you feel loved. Your friends are just... so supportive and loving."
Emily, interrupts: "Hey! Jenny! Is that bus driver wearing lip gloss?!"
Zooty: "That's supportive?"

Sophia: "Jenny, do you wear a hat?"
Jenny: "No... my hair is naturally kinky. It keeps poking me in the eye!"

"Cavemen had condoms? But why are there so many people?" - Rhiannon

Geordie: "Do you want the work on a piece of paper?"
Mrs Raby: "No, I want it in the air. I'll catch the words. *Does some weird actions*"

*After Caity was fiddling with Jenny's hair*
Jenny: "Can I have my hair back to normal now?"
Caity: "You look fine! You look normal. More normal than usual! No! I mean you look good. Gooder!"

Jenny: "Let's follow the rainbow!"
Mum: "It'll only lead us to Kansas."
Jenny: "...Don't you mean Oz?"
Mum: "No. We're already in Oztralia."
Jenny: "...You and Dad have been married far too long."

This post was written on the back of a dead horse hanging off a cliff.