The Locker Ghost

Jenny: "Ok, you think one iron table won't be enough? I'll take two."
Dad: "That'll give you constipation."
Jenny: "Oh, crap."
Dad: "No, you won't."

Alana: "Damn you chlorophyll!!"
*A few minutes later*
Alana: "I looooooooove lettuce."

Jenny: "I'll have tea with milk and two and a half sugars please."
*Goes back to her desk and hears the following from a distance*
Dean: "What... how do you get half a sugar?"
Fletcher: "I don't even know..."

Lucy: "Ok, the girl you're about to meet... she's a bit... different. There's a rumour about her having an orgy with five men from the air force... She's awesome though."
*Later on, having been in the presence of this girl for five minutes*
Girl: "I don't like sharing."
Jenny: "That's not what I heard."

*After watching some Year 10 girl fall over*
Jenny: "Wow, she's really dirty."
Emily: "And her clothes aren't that clean either!"

My father's been in Cambodia/Laos for a couple of weeks... I've got two text messages from him. The first one said: "I just remembered Trent's birthday isn't until March... tell him he'll keep."
And the second one: "Not ALL of my text messages have mentioned Trent... oh."

I apologise for the shortness of this post. I would've waited for it to be a bit longer but Sophie scared me into doing it today. We all know how scary Sophie can be.

NESS QUOTE!!!
"I got chased by a fish while on holiday. It had teeth."

DEVIL COW! (Hippy Early Bathday Em)

Yes, it's been a while. Sorry... but last year I was in the same class with all the same people and it would've just been boring. This year I'm with lots of different friends in lots of different classes so there'll be variety, yay!

*In the library*
Dean: "Look, little Germans!"
Mrs Raby: "Yep, little German students with a little German teacher."
Jenny: "Wow... they're so small... was I that small in Year 8?"
Dean: "You still are that small."

Mr Farquharson: "Has anyone here memorised the Periodic Table?"
*Horrified glances from most of the class*
Mr Farquharson: "If you have then I strongly suggest you get a life."

How do you describe the Hydrosphere? Wet.

I caught up with an old friend I hadn't spoken to since Year 2.
Jenny: "How've you been?! How's your family?!"
Shannin: "Well... my parents got divorced 8 years ago and my siblings have multiplied, I'm now one of seven..."
Jenny: "...Wow. How's your dog? She was a bit old when were in Year 1 though wasn't she?"
Shannin: "She ran away 6 years ago..."
Jenny: "Oh... and what about that lady who was going to teach us to crochet?"
Shannin: "Margie... she was lovely. She died 3 years ago."
Moral: STAY IN TOUCH*

Flick: "Anthropophagi means cannibal or man-eater"
Jenny: "She's an Anthropophagi, make you work more, make you spend more...etc"
*Ten minutes after class*
Jake (via text message): "Damn you! I have Man Eater in my head now!"

Jenny: "Is Ms. Taber here?"
Ms. Taber: "Yes, I'm Ms. Taber."
Jenny: "Oh, sorry. I've never had you before."
Ms. Taber: "That's ok. What can I do for you Jennifer?"
Jenny: "...That's scary."

You'll be pleased to know that after my disastrous attempt at bringing my own lunch to school... I ate it when I got home. I'd left it NOT in the kitchen but on the table next to where I'd put my bag that morning. So. Very. Close.

Jenny: "That's the second time I"ve seen a cockroach at this KFC!"
Mum: "Mm... we should really stick to the drive-in."

*Showing Mum a picture of Trent with his pretty new hair*
Jenny: "Mum, look at this."
*She stares blankly for a bit*
Mum: "Oh! Is that Trent when he was younger?"
Jenny: "No, that's Trent now."

When Dad saw my English text: "Oh, for he's a jolly good..."
Jenny: *Sighs audibly* "Othello..."

Mum: "Do you want to tell her the good news?"
Jenny: "What?"
Mum: "Well, you have a new Uncle and two new younger brothers."
Jenny: "WHAT?!"
Mum: "Your father made friends with a security guard. He gave us a mat and told us that our families are now joined. So, your father bought some stationary for his "brother's" kids and that meant that apparently because we cared, they were now our sons too."
Dad: "So you're not the youngest anymore."

Can anyone think of a decent Australian made film? Two people took up the challenge on Friday for me, but neither have got back to me yet.

Yes. It's impossible.

Facebook is stealing most of my material!

I apologise. This is the first time in over 18 months that I have not made a post in over a month. I feel rather awful because...well...this isn't going to be a very long post as it is. It's not my fault though! It's FACEBOOK'S! Everytime something funny happens, or if I mention something funny... my father puts it on Facebook. So I apologise that this... small blog writer is having difficulty competing with a much bigger social networking site. I WILL STRIVE TO DEFEAT THIS!

Millie: "Look at Geordie!"
Jenny: "Is he asleep?"
Millie: "Yeah, I think he is."
Jenny: "Let's throw something at him!"
*Mrs Raby notices*
Mrs Raby: "IS GEORDIE ASLEEP?!?"
*Geordie wakes suddenly*
Mrs Raby: "That is the first time anyone's ever fallen asleep in MY class."

Jenny: "Mum! I have a freckly on my eyelid!"
Mum: "How do you know?"
Jenny: "I was looking in the mirror!"
Mum: "...You need your eyes closed to see your eyelid."

*The most unusual way a lesson has ever been started in my 11 years of school.*
Mrs Raby: "That runner is a haemaphrodite!"
*While Mrs Raby discussed this with Sam, other people in the class formed little chats of their own...*
Tory: "How do people get both parts?"
Jenny: "Everyone starts off as girls"
Tory: "Does that mean I might be a haemophrodite?"
Jenny: "No...I assume you would have a fully formed penis. A haemophrodite is someone who started to become a male but the testes didn't come through the vagina."
Tory: "But I don't have a vagina!"
Jenny: "THAT'S WHY YOU'RE NOT A HAEMAPHRODITE!"
*Class looks at Jenny...of course.*

Fletcher *looking out the door*: "Is that Lydia?"
Mrs Walker *waddles quickly out of the door, the class hears from the corridor*: "Lydia! Why aren't you in class?! Oh. It's not Lydia..."

Mrs Raby: "Jenny, are you doing German next year?"
Jenny: "Yes. I'm too scared of you not to."

To celebrate Toilet Guy's last day...nay...last ten-20 minutes in attendance at our school, Jenny approached him and said the following:

"Can I hug you? I love you. I really do. You don't know me, but I watch you."

(I just wanted his last day to be memorable. Personally, I'll never forget it. I tried doing the same to dear Nose Guy but he'd already gone...)

NESS QUOTE!

Jenny: "Did you know all the actors in Bewitched died of cancer?"
Ness: "What's Bewitched?"
Jenny: "A tv show."
Ness: "Is it a cartoon about ghosts?"
Jenny: "...No. Why?"
Ness: "You said the actors were dead. Is it about zombies?"
Jenny: "...It's from the 60s."
Ness: "Ooooooh!"

Get Your Filthy Hands Off My Sodomy

We have two families who we're friends with in Germany, some of you know Ariane who stayed with me for a while. Her father is a huge man with a gutteral Austrian accent. His car is a HUGE 4wd with an incredible sound system and he drives it incredibly fast. This man is the epitomy of manhood. What song was he playing on his incredible sound system at an ear shattering volume? A song entitled "The Last Unicorn.". He played it twice.

Jenny: "He keeps asking me if Ariane is hot."
Mrs Raby *James, the fat redheaded one*: "She wouldn't fancy you anyway!"

*After hearing the brand new computers had been stolen from the PDM rooms*
Jenny: "So either the cleaners left the door unlocked, or it's an inside job."
Mrs Greenland: "Yeah, I actually stole them.

Jenny: "Can I borrow your thumb drive please?"
Emily: "Sure, if you can turn this computer on."
Jenny: "Is it plugged in?"
Emily: "..."

Jenny *calling loudly to someone she's forgotten*: "The Church says that masturbation makes you blind!"
*Jenny notices a teacher standing very closely behind her*
Teacher: "How embarrassed are you right now?"

*Going to a fancy dress party. My brother was going as "Lambton"*
Mum: "How are we going to attach the sign to him?"
Jenny: "A stapler?"

Jenny: "Mrs Mackenzie, is it ok to have a German in the class?"
Mrs Mackenzie: "A what?!"

Jenny: "Everytime you look at me, Millie, I'm going to make a funny pose."
*Strikes a disco pose*
Frau Spaett: "Yes? You have a question?"

Frau Spaett *marking the roll*: "Trent?"
Trent: "Yes."
Frau Spaett: "Is Trent here?"
Jenny: "Yes, he is."
Frau Spaett: "Where?"
Jenny: "He's the one over there saying yes."
Frau Spaett: "Oh, of course."

Mrs Golder: "Russel, choose someone who hasn't been chosen to answer a question."
Russel: "Scott."
Scott: "I just did it."
Russel: "Oh ok. Jenny."
Jenny: "I did it after Scott."
Mrs Golder: "Have you been in class for the last ten minutes? You'd be great at a party. You'd be drunk already. Doesn't he look drunk?"

Mr Priestly *sick of stopping every two seconds to stop us talking*: "I'm going to develop a speech impediment soon!"
Jake (who has a speech impediment for those who don't know him): "Hey!"
Mr Priestly: "Not that that's a bad thing."

Who Gives A Swinebird?

I really am, deeply...truly...sincerely sorry that it took me so long to upload. I'm ashamed of myself, and all of you who didn't nag me nearly enough. Tsk tsk. (I'm joking, Emily...don't hurt me.)

*Whilst the idiots were eating deep fried ice cream*
Jenny: "I was talking to a guy today who tripped and accidentally put his arm in a deep frier."
Beau (friend of brother who happens to be a fireperson): "Was his arm covered with batter?"
Dougy: "That's a good idea! Whenever you go fight a fire, cover yourself in batter!!"

Millie: "Let's work now!"
Sophie *holding up a coin*: "Did you know these coins aren't valid in New Zealand anymore, but they're valid in Australia."
Emily: "...thanks Soph."
Jenny: "Why IS that?"
Millie: "SHUT UP JENNY!"
Sophie *whispers*: "They resized their coins in New Zealand."

Jenny: "My average body temperature is 34 degrees celsius."
Zooty: "You're like a lizard."

Mrs Walker: "Which atom is best? Carbon12, Carbon13 or Carbon14? The answer is Carbon12."
Fletcher: "Unless you're dating someone."
*Mrs Walker thinks intently (seriously, you can tell when she's thinking)*: "I don't need to know about your personal life."
Fletcher: "...I meant carbon dating."

Do you remember that turtle who died?

Mrs Raby: "I"m going to say your name and a word and you have to translate it to German. Ok?
Erin. Annoying."
*Everyone laughs*
Mrs Raby: "I didn't do it on purpose! What's your middle name, Jenny?"
Jenny: "Elizabeth... why?"
Mrs Raby: "I just met a woman named Jennifer Susan. That's my daughter's name too!"

Matt: "How do you spell 'Petri Dish'?"
*Mrs Walker writes on the board*: "Peti."

Caity: "What time does the bell go?"
Jenny: "Dunno."
*5 minutes later*
Jenny: "What time does the bell go?"
Caity *Without hesitation*: "20 to"

*Elective choices advice Angus + NOSE GUY!! style.*
Angus: "I know it's the last 10 minutes of the day so I'm going to get some audience participation going. Who here finds some subjects we study in maths pretty useless? I mean, when are you going to use Pythagora's Theorem in the future?"
NOSE GUY!!: "...We're using it next week for our trials."

Note to self: NOSE GUY!! has 6th Period free on a Tuesday.

The Did You Know Section...

Jenny: "Did you know... Only male birds can go "Twit" and only female birds can go "Twoo". They're actually in a duet together."
Mrs Golder: "What if it's bisexual?"

Geordie: "Did you know if you peel a banana taking the bottom thing off there won't be any string thing?"
Mrs Raby: "NO! DON'T DO THAT! YOU NEED A LITTLE HANDLE!"

S.S. Merewether Milky

*After walking in the classroom and finding no one in the front row:*
Mrs Raby: "Why are you moving so far away from me? Back row, move here."
*Back row laughs*
Mrs Raby: "Haha, no I'm serious."
Jenny: "Are you really that lonely?"
Mrs Raby: "Loaded?"
...it'd explain a few things.

Mrs Scollay: "Kelby, use your calculator."
Kelby: "I didn't bring it."
Mrs Scollay: "If you go for a driving lesson, do you forget to take the car?"

Jenny: "Why are you wearing all that black."
Mrs Raby: "I'm turning Goth. I'm getting lots of piercings on the weekend."

"I know nothing about Chemistry. One thing I do know is not to teach it without the Mona Lisa of Science. My best friend... I don't have many friends... Second best! Calculator is my best friend." - Mrs Walker

*Mr Sajko sitting in a low chair...*
Mr Sajko: "Sitting in a chair like this gives you a whole new perspective of the world. *Looks straight at Jenny* I bet you're glad you're wearing trousers."

Mrs Walker: "Lithium is gorgeous. It's one of the most reactive of the metals."
Trent: "Don't all the metals in the left column?"
Mrs Walker: "Trent, you're gorgeous."
Stick: "You're in Trent!"

Jenny: "When does the bell go?"
Saxon: "Half an hour."
Millie: "What?!"
Saxon: "Wait, no... 10 minutes."

Mrs Raby: "Jenny, come and read your writing out."
Jenny: "In German?"
Mrs Raby: "...yes."
Jenny: "*Blah blah blah* ... Viele Gruesse, Yenny. I mean Jenny!"
(Note, in German you say J as a Y)

*Jenny covers up "The Mou"*
Millie: "It's ok. I can't read."

Mrs Raby: "You get hayfever from pollen, dust..."
Max: "Hay."
Jenny: "Even cats. Wait, no... that's cat allergy."

"No matter what we make. We've still made the same thing." - Mrs Walker. (I really hit my full stop button hard then...)

Mrs Raby: "[A member of staff] doesn't like exchanges. There's nothing I can do about it unless I put a bomb under her/his chair. Don't you dare repeat that! I will know!"

Yeah, that's right. "The Mou" tells you things that it's not actually supposed to.

Last post for a while. TREASURE THIS ONE WHILE YOU CAN!

I guess I should have told you to treasure it at the beginning...oops. Oh well. You'll live.

...for now.

Smell You Later

Jenny: "Where's Abu Dhabi?"
Mrs Raby: "Isn't that in Saudi Arabia? Why?" (It's not, it's in The United Arab Emirates)
Jenny: "Oh, I just asked because we're stopping over there on the way to France, Germany and England."
Mrs Raby: "The way you said that was funny."
Jenny: "You spent ages talking to Sam about where his SISTER goes and you don't care about me! I WANT ATTENTION! *Bangs hands on desk*"
Mrs Raby: "I hadn't noticed."

Mrs Golder: "You were talking!"
Stick: "What? No, I wasn't."
Mrs Golder: "You were sitting there talking to yourself!"

Mrs Raby: "DEAN! YOU'RE BACK! Every day you've been away I've called out your name so today I didn't and you're back!"
Max: "The crazy antics of this classroom, you wouldn't believe it."

Jenny: "Why were you laughing all throughout my speech?"
Emily: "I couldn't look at you for half of your speech because it was so out of character for you to use such big words. It wasn't you making that speech!"

Mrs Raby: "I'd never been behind the wheel of a car before the age of 23...oh, wait. Once. I drove my boyfriends car into the North Sea... He still talks to me. Anyway! You'd all catch buses if I was in charge of this country. AND! You'll all be speaking German!"

Emily: "My hands are shaking."
Jenny: "Mine aren't..."
Emily: "STOP THAT!"
Sophie: "Hahah yeah, stop not moving."

Mrs Scollay told everyone to be quiet during the test, but then when she came to my table she asked me how I was going. So... I wonder who Mrs Scollay's favourite is?

"...I feel really geeky talking about Neopets whilst solving a Rubix Cube." - Jenny, talking about Neopets whilst solving a rubix cube.

Jenny: "So how old was the naked lady you were drawing yesterday?"
Caity: "30 something..."
Mr Priestley joins in: "Does she get paid well?"
Caity: "She was there for 3 hours so probably."
Mr Priestley: "I'd want like $300, maybe $3000 if children were drawing me."
Rhiannon: "What about $10,000?"
Mr Priestley: "Hey, I'd stand up naked right now. Except...it'd be difficult to explain what that has to do with Urban Growth and Development."
*Jenny resists the urge to make a crude comment*

Jenny: "Oh, this is my stop."
Millie: "Good luck. I mean in avoiding all the rapists and stuff..."
Jenny: "The rapists from HSPA! *Looks at random Year 7 HSPA kid called James* You're going to grow up to be a rapist."
I really hope that that kid isn't the type of kid who takes career advice from strangers.

I was at the hospital the other day visiting a sick relative when this family wearing masks walk through the waiting room. The mother of the family says to the nurse "I'd like to see my holiday snaps now!" and then follows her family into a little door at the side of the room. My mother and I exchanged glances...
A little later on a nurse goes through the little door. As it swings open we hear a Doctor say "Yes, it is swine flu." and then the door closed again.

Yeah, I was standing thiiiiiiiiiis far away from people with Swine Flu. That makes me famous by association apparently! Woot!