Tanzanians On the Moon

Jenny: "We went to England when I was 3 and we'd been visiting so many relatives... One morning Dad sent me in to wake Dougy up, he said that we were going to see Big Ben. So, I ran in and jumped on Dougy's bed shouting "COME ON DOUGLAS! WE'RE GOING TO SEE UNCLE BIG BEN! My uncle, the clock."
Mrs Greenland: "We can see the family resemblance."

*We see some Ambulances at a traffic light*
Millie: "Hey! They know where the accident is."

Jenny: "...That is the accident."

Millie: "Oh! Right! They don't stop at traffic lights, they go straight through!"

Sophie: "Blue jumper, not jacket. There's a difference."
Jenny: "You're a difference."
Sophie: "Your face is a difference."
Emily and Millie in unison: "What?"

Millie: "There are only two answers to everything. 42 or Violence."
*Sophie whacks Millie*: "No! Violence is never the answer!"

Jenny: "Has -your- brother even stolen any of your clothes?"
Caity: "No, but he did brush his hair with my brush once. I sterilised it because I didn't want to brush my hair with red hair."

Trent: "Dean was in Ireland the other day."

Jenny: "How'd he get there?"
Trent: "I dunno... drove?"

*Jenny turns to Rhiannon*: "England and Ireland are completely separate right? How could someone drive there?"

Rhiannon: "Maybe there's a bridge?"

Mrs Golder: "What topic are we going to do?"

Fletcher *Quietly*: "History..."

Jenny: "Our Science test is in two weeks."
Stick: "Woah! When'd you find that out?"

Jenny: "She just said it then where there was a dog running around the classroom."

Stick: "...There was a dog running around the classroom?"

(Yes, there had been.)

Mrs Raby: "Doll Domination. That's a stupid name for a band!"

Sam: "It's the name of the Pussy Cat Doll Tour!"
Mrs Raby: "Oh...well... That's a stupid name for a tour too."

Keiran: "Ich gehe in die Stadt."
*Mrs Raby gasps*

Keiran: "What?! What'd I do?!"
Mrs Raby: "Nothing. I was looking at my pens, trying to decide which one to use."
*Class laughs*
Mrs Raby: "DON'T LAUGH AT ME! LAUGH WITH ME!!"

*Looking at three sentences on the board*
Some kid: "I agree with the first one and the last two."
Mrs Raby: "So you agree with all of them. What have I been doing for 3 years? That makes me sad. I won't sleep tonight."

Pierce-a-Tron

Jenny: "Is the actor who played Mr Brady dead?"
Mum: "Yes. He was gay."
Jenny: "...That doesn't necessarily mean he's dead."

Sophie and David Tennant are like best friends. Her old friend from primary school has a grandmother living in Scotland across the lake from David Tennant's grandmother!! How close are they?
What really is amazing is my Doctor Who obsessed pal Laura actually found that amazing and will track down Sophie's old primary school friend's grandmother's address, and post something to the little old lady who lives across the lake and ask her to get her grandson's autograph for a poor little Australian girl.

Mr Priestley: "We're going to watch a show that was on TV last night."
Sarah: "Is this the show that was on at the same time as that other show?"

Caity is not a slut.

Jenny: "Wow! You remembered your glasses today!"
Caity: "Yes, I remembered my glasses today. They're a bit dirty though. I think I need new ones."

"THE FIRES AND BRIMSTONE OF HELL! THE FIRES OF DEATH WILL COME FOR YOU!" - Mrs Golder (Talking about scaring Aboriginal children into believing in Christianity. Believe me?)

Jenny has a wonderful talent for guessing the colour of peoples underwear.

Jenny: "Can I marry your brother to get a red head kid one day?"
Caity: "I spose. My Mum has red hair but I don't think Dad would like it if you married her."

*After hearing the mention of the excursion*
Jenny: "When IS the excursion?"
Mrs Greenland, Millie and Emily altogether: "Tomorrow."
Jenny: "...Oh dear."

At 12.30 last night, my cat was running wildly up and down the house. I got out of bed to see what was wrong with her. She ran into the kitchen. I switched on the light and followed her. She was sitting in front of her dishes. I picked her up and moved her a centimetre closer so she would eat it. Once she began I tried to go back to bed but everytime I tried to move she would stop eating and look at me pathetically.
I think my cat is scared of the dark. This is funny because MY CAT CAN SEE IN THE DARK!!!

I got very good marks for my Geography test today. There are a few questions I'm surprised at getting full marks for.
For example:

Identify 4 negative impacts of the increasing urbanisation of Australia's coastline. (4 Marks)
Increased population means increased pollution and rubbish. It also means development which interferes with the natural order. People will go fishing and so the water will be overfished, then you must import more fish. Development will also ruin the serenity of Australia's beaches.

What does Photo 1 tell us about the history of Catherine Hill Bay? (2 marks)
Photo 1 shows a working Jetty with something on it I can't make out. If I could see it, I'm sure I could answer this question better.
It also has what appears to be a cart laden with coal. Showing Catherine Hill Bay used to be a mining town.

Go the Geography faculty for being easy on me!

I almost regret stealing their clipboard...

A rock is a chicken.

*Writing about an artist in PDM who takes photos of bridges and dogs*
Jenny: "Robert Billington was a merry old soul and a merry old soul was he. He called for a dog and a bridge and some puppies times three. He took some photos of Australian landmarks and then went to the WC."
Others: "WC?"
Jenny: "It was in another Old King Cole parody I read once. WC stands for Water Closet...toilet."
Sophie: "Where does the U come from?"

Jenny: "Nyet."
Mrs Raby: "Are you right? You're speaking Russian."

Jenny, talking to Zooty on the bus: "Actually a break up really makes you feel loved. Your friends are just... so supportive and loving."
Emily, interrupts: "Hey! Jenny! Is that bus driver wearing lip gloss?!"
Zooty: "That's supportive?"

Sophia: "Jenny, do you wear a hat?"
Jenny: "No... my hair is naturally kinky. It keeps poking me in the eye!"

"Cavemen had condoms? But why are there so many people?" - Rhiannon

Geordie: "Do you want the work on a piece of paper?"
Mrs Raby: "No, I want it in the air. I'll catch the words. *Does some weird actions*"

*After Caity was fiddling with Jenny's hair*
Jenny: "Can I have my hair back to normal now?"
Caity: "You look fine! You look normal. More normal than usual! No! I mean you look good. Gooder!"

Jenny: "Let's follow the rainbow!"
Mum: "It'll only lead us to Kansas."
Jenny: "...Don't you mean Oz?"
Mum: "No. We're already in Oztralia."
Jenny: "...You and Dad have been married far too long."

This post was written on the back of a dead horse hanging off a cliff.

Patrick, The Butterfly Head.

It has been an awfully long time between posts and I apologise. I haven't been seeing the more humorous of my friendlies these holidays and the ones I have seen I haven't written down the funny things they say (or in Sophie's case, her funnies... not that I've seen Sophie these holidays. Hmph.) So anyway... here's The Mou.

Jenny *After watching a Ronald McDonald teach children fire safety on an ad*: "Whats our fire escape plan?"
Mum: "Depends where the fire is. Jump out the nearest window."

Trent: "Who sleeps on their roofs? I don't sleep on my roof. You don't sleep on your roof. Who sleeps on their roof?"
Jenny: "Possums."
Trent: "Who stabs possums?"

I had three...lovely (sarcasm)...dear (more sarcasm)... little (no sarcasm)... children staying with me for a few days these holidays. They broke a coffee table and a little toy bus that had survived my brother and I, they woke me up EVERY morning by screaming, they threw tantrums, they attacked me in public places (One of them was trying to drag me into a toilet saying "I'm going to take you into the toilet, I'm going to flush you down the toilet."), they're stupid, rude and just all round horrible.

Examples:
Daniel (4): "What's 30 + 100?"
Jenny: "130"
Daniel: "There's no such number! *Kicks me, because I'm giving him a piggy back at the time.*

As soon as Mikayla (2) got to our house, she ran straight for the cat, Adelaide (6, in cat years 42) and began "patting" her. As hard as she could. She was hitting my cat. MY cat! By the end of our visit Mikayla didn't know that cat's go "Meow" she thought they went "Hisssss!". She even had a hand action to go with it. Isn't. That. Just. Cute.

One of my Aunts: "Here, James. Try some Avocado Dip. Phil makes this from scratch!"
James (7): "NO! It looks like green spew!" And then he continued to run around the house.

The visit of these children prompted my father to have a Father to Daughter talk to me.

"I'm not a children person, and I don't think you are either. If you ever do decide to have children, only have one. Because the second child is so much harder."

Thanks Dad. I'm YOUR second child.

For all of those who find my father funny, check out his "hip, down and groovy with it FB (Facebook)" page. He's very proud of having a number of friends in the double digit column.
http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/profile.php?id=1238684996&ref=nf

I, personally, think my mother is a much more humorous.

Jenny: "Are collar bones usually so prominent? *Gesturing to my own*"
Mum: "Only in someone Anorexic."
Jenny: "... Thanks Mum."

In the order I wrote it all down in...

Emily: "Did you know cats are less likely to get tick paralysis because they groom themselves?"
Jenny: "Haha, sucks to be a dog."

Emily: "It doesn't look like much."
Jenny: "You don't look like much."
Emily: "But I pack quite a punch."

Emily: "You're older than me, you'll die first. Especially if you get run over by someone who looks like your friends."
Jenny: "Yeah, especially if it looks like one of my friends who has cancer but really wants to outlive me."
Emily: "So, if I get cancer, beware."

Jenny: "What's the plural for moose?"
Mrs Raby: "Meese."
Jenny: "No, that can't be right. Look! There's a herd of meese! It just doesn't sound right."
Millie: "Argh! There's a herd of mooses trampling me!"

"Sodomy's a word? I thought you made it up... What does it mean?" - Sophie (we didn't explain it to her).

The other day I was collecting all the spare 5c and 10c coins that I could to get $6 to pay someone back for something they bought me, but in the most annoying way possible because they have been a real jerk. For any of the clever people who realise that by doing this, I'm actually being a jerk, I would like you to note that I'm doing it in a really creative way! =D Unlike them...jerk.

I would also like to publically thank those who gave their shrapnel for such a good cause. Special mention for Laura, who donated $1.10 (you really need to count your money more often).

Jenny *trying to scab money of Mrs Raby*: "What if I told you my cat was sick?"
Mrs Raby: "Then I'd say kill it and eat it."

Mrs Bro gave me 10c! ...I lied about what it was for, but still! Mrs Bro is nice.

Jenny: "The people I stalk always seem to leave school."
*Guy I'm talking to cracks up*
Jenny: "I mean as Year 12's!"

To get back at the Geography faculty for letting Mr Perkins be in charge of Year 10 Geography... I stole a clipboard. All those who agree with me, please, do NOT hand your clipboards back.

That'll teach 'em! (Shame on everyone who has already given theirs back)

Dougy: "The train from Chippendin to Frankston's free."
Mum: "Hahaha, not technically darling."
Dougy: "There's no where to buy a ticket! Where are you supposed to buy a ticket?! The imaginary ticket man?!"
Dad: "You can only get imaginary tickets from the imaginary ticket man, don't be silly."

I would like to wish everyone a very Happy Easter! May your mouths be absolutely covered in chocolate.
And I hope that Amanda and Millie have a great Easter despite their chocolate intolerance. For, we must remember. Easter is not just about the chocolate. It is also about the Easter Bilby.

On a serious note, bilbies are endangered animals and you should donate money so they become not endangered, magically, through the proceeds, somehow.

Fegenfut

Jenny: "I'm a woman."
*Rhiannon, Trent and Jake all look at her oddly*
Rhiannon: "No... really?"

"Don't ridicule me! I'm talking to my Ipod." - Emily.

Hide and Seek throughout Target and Big W is a LOT of fun. Seriously, try it sometime.

You know what else is fun? Having someone who works at Target to talk to you about male tupperware parties, alcohol, lingerie/linen parties and spoilt only childen. Then when you catch them shopping at Big W later, they wink at you.
New friends are great. =D

Jenny *Talking to Emily in the cinema again*: "If you make me wear a dress like that to your wedding... I will hurt you."
Millie: "Who says you'll be going to her wedding?"
Jenny: "Are you kidding? I'm the Maid of Honour."
*For the rest of the day we made jokes about Emily's wedding and future baby.*

Jenny: "You know I'd hate to have the same name as my mother in law."
Rhiannon: "Everyone has the same name as their mother in laws."
Jenny: "Not if the mother in law is dead... hehehehehehehe"
Emily: "So, if one day your partner says to you "We've been dating for 14 years, why don't you want to get married?" He's going to have to ditch you or kill his mother."
Jenny: "Well, it'd be a good way to see if he was serious about me."


"Men are more like women than women are like women." - Nina, being deep.


"It's about time the wall came down!" - Dean, reading English less succesfully than he reads German.

"Tuck your shirt in! I don't like tucked in shirts actually. They're better tucked out." - Frau Raby

Jenny: "Wow, I'm emotional today."
Emily: "Here! Let me push the emotions out of you! *Pushes Jenny off the seat*"

Jenny: "Wow! Your room is orange! And you have a book shelf!"
Sophie: "Yeah... I noticed."

This blog was published at Emily's house. (The voices told me to say so or she'd eat my laptop.)

Hug Rapist

Jenny: "S&M is Sadism and Masochism."
Emily: "Jenny knows from her own experience."
Jenny: "You're just saying that because you're not getting any."
Amanda: "Well! You're not getting any HUGS!

Cat + Harmonica = Pain

Guess which cat attacks me everytime I try to play the mouth organ! xP (Taking a dig at Emily's awesome blog http://www.emilyscookiesncream.blogspot.com/)

Jenny: "...How'd I get here? I was just standing over there. I don't remember walking here..."
Laura: "Maybe you're dead? You're pale enough."
Jenny *Turns to Paul*: "Do I look dead to you?"
Paul: "No... you don't look dead to me."
Laura: "What? Why would she be really gay?"

Emily: "Jenny's a really violent Hug-Rapist."
Amanda: "Imagine if she was a real rapist."

Jenny: "When I was at the home visiting Grandma yesterday, this little old lady grabbed hold of me...she was really strong. I thought she was going to cook me in her gingerbread oven."
*Random Year 11 turns around and looks at us*: "Gingerbread oven? What?"

*Trying to find a seat in the dark because Sophie turned up late xP*
Emily: "If I fall on Jenny then she'll fall on Sophie and we'll all fall."
Jenny: "Like the Domino Effect!"
Sophie: "Yes. Because getting to our seats is JUST like communism."

Jenny: "Who sings Simply The Best?"
Dad: "That black woman who was married to that man."
Jenny: "Oooh, Tina Turner."
*Mum stares disbelievingly*

Jenny: "I wonder if we could go backstage and find someone for an autograph."
Emily: "What would they sign?"
Jenny: "A programme!"
Emily: "You don't have one."
Jenny: "That little old woman does. Do you think I could take her?"

"You're funny. You should be...funny...eaten..." - Jenny in one of her brightest moments.

Emily: "Gah! Where's the bus?"
Jenny: "Heeeere, bus bus bus bus busssy!"
*Bus comes around the corner*

Caity: "So the answer's 14."
Jenny: "What? No... 12 x 3 is 36."
Caity: "Oh right, haha. I thought it was 12 + 3"
Jenny: "..."

*Jenny pretending to talk to someone on the phone*: "Hello, what? YOU BITCH!"
Little old lady, taps her on the shoulder: "Excuse me, what school do you go to?"
*Emily and Jenny look at each other worriedly*: "Merewether High School."
LOL (Little Old Lady): "You've come a long way!"
*Jenny and Emily are relieved*

Later on that same lady wished us a good trip home. If the bus crashed, we would have survived because we were the only ones on the bus with the blessings of an old woman.